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KingCDPenpusher
Posted: November 1, 20192019-11-01T03:11:28+10:00 2019-11-01T03:11:28+10:00In: Comedy

When a new film contest starts a group of egocentric childhood friends set out to make a movie, despite the fact that they know nothing about film making. But when the opportunity presents itself they are wiling to do whatever it takes to achieve their dreams.

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    2 Reviews

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    1. Best Answer
      Neer Shelter Singularity
      2019-11-02T14:45:48+10:00Added an answer on November 2, 2019 at 2:45 pm

      Agreed with the above.

      In general, loglines are better when they focus on the plot. In this case, you seemed to describe the premise and setup instead of the major story beats.

       

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    2. Best Answer
      yqwertz Mentor
      2019-11-01T18:32:22+10:00Added an answer on November 1, 2019 at 6:32 pm

      In the first sentence, I don’t understand how characterizing the protagonists as egocentric plays into the movie’s plot. Do egocentric people maintain long term friendships from childhood, or are their friendships shallow and short?

      Aside from that, the second sentence contains mostly redundant information and does not help us imagine what happens in the story. What is the main problem the group has to overcome? Is it the lack of money? Does everyone want the staring role in the film?

      Finally, for every adventure a clique undertakes, someone in the group is the driving force. In your story that person will be the main character and loglines should be written from the viewpoint of the main character. Give us goal that for this person? is worth their striving for, even if it means pushing the rest of the group to do something they would not normally do.

      For example:

      When a broke, 21 year old avid movie goer learns of an amateur film contest whose first prize is an evening with Ryan Gosling, she rallies her childhood clique to make a film, but first they must raise the $250 entry fee.

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