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SuzetobinPenpusher
Posted: December 2, 20152015-12-02T12:06:59+10:00 2015-12-02T12:06:59+10:00In: Thriller

When a political advisor discovers she had been unknowingly covering up her boss? illegal activity, she works to uncover exactly how deep his crimes really go.

When a political advisor discovers she had been unknowingly covering up her boss? illegal activity, she works to uncover exactly how deep his crimes really go.
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    3 Reviews

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    1. dpg Singularity
      2015-12-02T15:01:53+10:00Added an answer on December 2, 2015 at 3:01 pm

      Most of the essential logline elements are present and? it’s relatively succinct at 26 words.? However, it seems to me that the plot fails to include? (or at least suggest) one of the prime ingredients? required of a thriller genre story: the personal jeopardy for the protagonist entailed in her struggle.

      What does she stand to personally lose if she doesn’t expose her boss’s crimes??? Worse yet, what does she stand to lose if she does??? What danger is she in?

      And the logline might benefit from? a more specific description of who she works for.? Is her “boss”? a political consultant higher up in the food chain?? Or is he an elected official?

      Finally, it might strengthen the logline to give some indication as to what his crimes are.? What is so special about his crimes that separate him from the pack of other bad guys, that makes this logline stand out from all the other loglines about people with skeletons buried in their backyards — and back stories?

      fwiw.

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    2. Knightrider Mentor
      2015-12-02T17:16:38+10:00Added an answer on December 2, 2015 at 5:16 pm

      Agreed I like it. As above maybe the stakes are slightly lacking.

      If somehow make out that the police intend on raiding the place so she’d be screwed.

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    3. tradingdavid Logliner
      2015-12-15T18:54:33+10:00Added an answer on December 15, 2015 at 6:54 pm

      This needs to be more specific. Currently it seems like Ides of March more or less. Also if she was in some sort of danger that would be good.

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