Logliner
Posted: 2017-10-03T00:34:02+10:00 In:

When a poor man’s truck breaks down, he starts selling bagged smokes to pay the mechanical bill, and soon realizes that he has a very lucrative idea.

When a poor man’s truck breaks down, he starts selling bagged smokes to pay the mechanical bill, and soon realizes that he has a very lucrative idea.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Singularity

      The logline is incomplete because it hides the game ball, to wit, the objective goal — the “lucrative idea” the man will pursue.? ?So a logline reader is left clueless as to what the script is going to be about.

      This is a common mistake.? Perhaps logline writers think that hiding the game ball is a good way to “strip tease” a movie maker.? Perhaps they think that showing some but holding back the most important element in the plot will lure a producer, director or agent into reading the script.? They will be tempted to want to? find out what’s being deliberately hidden from them? in the logline.

      But actually, it’s a counterproductive strategy.? They won’t be tempted.? Instead they’ll be frustrated and offended.? They’ll be less inclined to read the script, not more. When a movie producer, director or agent reads a logline they want to see all the basic elements (as given under “Formula” at the top of the web page).

      So the most lucrative idea you can have for this logline is to disclose the lucrative idea the protagonist will pursue.

      fwiw

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    2. Best Answer
      Singularity

      Agreed with DPG.

      Most gate-keepers/decision makers will have an ‘aha’ moment when they hear the goal. In other words, you’re more likely to catch someone’s attention with a compelling goal than with an interesting setup or character description.

      In this case, you’ve established an M.O (a poverty-stricken truck driver illegally selling tobacco) if you can now describe a goal for this ‘means to an end’ it will elevate his actions as dramatic and story worthy. Could it be that he is about to lose his job to a self-driving truck and at the same time must keep providing for his family? This is a big concern in the logistics industries and could make for an interesting story.

      • 0