Heavenly Manna
When a reclusive writer tries to save her identical twin from spousal abuse, she sparks an entourage where all trails lead to a Scottish village and the dark secret of her suppressed memory is revealed in the climax of the church's fundraising bachelor auction.
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I like the beginning
‘When a reclusive writer tries to save her identical (sister) from spousal abuse
After that it gets a little muddy…
Mainly because i’m not sure how the second part of the logline relates to the first part. The leads goal is to save her sister, I’m not sure how coming up with a suppressed memory will stop her twins husband from beating her.
btw, Not sure what ‘…she sparks an entourage’ means you might want to say that a different way)
Hope that helped, good luck with this
Hi LorraineSF,
Hi Richiev,
This is a long logline that arouses many questions :
– Does spousal abuse comes from her husband, or from her sister?s ?
– I don?t understand very well what “she sparks an antourage” means, what is due to my broken english, I think
– “a scottish village AND the dark secret”: this ? AND ? oddly cuts the line in two parts which don?t seems to have something to do together
– “the climax of the church’s fundraising bachelor auction? (something funny) is jarring this the tone of the rest (anxiety, suspense)
– What happens afterwards?
I would prefer something like:
When a reclusive writer tries to save her twin from spousal abuse, all trails lead to a Scottish village where she will be leave facing the dark secret of her suppressed memory? (32words)
My decoding of the logline is:
When a reclusive writer struggles to rescue her twin sister from spousal abuse, she opens up a dark secret in their past.
But have no idea what that means.
I would have to agree that the ending muddies the waters. It would seem that telling us where the climax is rather than what is driving us to that point confuses what you want us to walk away with. A compelling reason to hear your story. The concept sounds okay but it could do with an edit.