Posted: 2015-07-19T16:51:39+10:00 In:

When a rookie DA?s carrier is almost derailed he redeems himself when, through an old journal, he emerges into an alternate timeline and receives much needed advice from a legendary prosecutor nicknamed The Gasser

Untitled TV Show

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    5 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      This logline essentially describes the first half of act one of a movie, but doesn’t describe what happens after that point.

      If the main character is the rookie DA and his inciting incident is entering the alternate time line, what is the MC goal? What is the “…much needed advice…”? What are his obstacles? Who is the bad guy or gal? What are the stakes?

      Here is a suggestion for the start of a redraft:

      After a rookie DA enters an alternate time line he finds out who killed the victim in the case of the century and must…

      Hope this helps.

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    2. Singularity

      The logline is for a TV series, not a feature film. Still the logline would benefit by indicating a strong plot for the pilot episode– one that will grab and hold audience’s attention. (Like the pilot episode for “Breaking Bad”.)

      The logline focuses on the less interesting character and weaker of the two characters. The DA is not legendary and he doesn’t have the right stuff to be a successful DA. In contrast, the “Gasser” is both legendary and has the right stuff. Maybe the logline (and story) should focus on Gasser as the main character.

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    3. Singularity

      Good point DPG I didn’t realise it was for a TV show.

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    4. Singularity

      However most of what I wrote in the first comment still applies.

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    5. Is the DA going back and forth between timelines each episode, or does he remain in the alternate universe? I like it either way, but I think the distinction alters the need for redemption (unless it’s to himself).

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