When a secret society of intellectual samurai compromise a tech company’s financial software, a psychic strategist must decode an ancient work of popular Japanese fiction before the global economy collapses.
InteremptyLogliner
When a secret society of intellectual samurai compromise a tech company’s financial software, a psychic strategist must decode an ancient work of popular Japanese fiction before the global economy collapses.
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At the minute it reads like a collection of unrelated events. ?I have a few questions.
intellectual samurai?
Are these actual Samurai? ?If so why not just Samurai?
psychic strategist?
Again why not just a Psychic? ?Are there accepted classifications of psychic that you expect the reader to know so a strategic one has meaning?
Why and how does this prevent world economic collapse?
This is an attempt that may have nothing to do with your story. ?I hope that it helps.
A psychic must decode an ancient text containing a way of stopping a secret society that has comprised financial software and plan to plunge the world into economic collapse.
Like I said, it may not be your story. ?But the events are tied together now.
I find it best not to have two complicated elements in your log line. You have “intellectual samurai’s” and “psychic strategist.” This sounds like a comic book adaptation where there’s already a pool of fans who know and understand the premise and character’s, and will willingly jump into the movie.
It takes work to decipher the character descriptions you have, don’t make us work 🙂 simplify, try making the roles unique, but simple.
This logline is cryptic for several reasons, but for the most part it’s because of the lack of cause and effect between the two major plot points – the inciting incident and goal.
Unless, as Tom mentioned above, the reader has pre existing knowledge in regards to the characters and situation, a group of samurai compromising some company doesn’t directly relate to a Global financial crisis. However, if to where the NASDAQ data base then a logical connection could be made, but would still need work to make it connect with causality.
Secondly Samurai don’t actually exist anymore, so by describing the group of people as Samurai positions the story in the past which doesn’t work. Is there a different description you could use perhaps Japanese martial artists?
By adding in intellectual you could be inferring that they are as good with their computer skills as Samurai used to be with their swords, if this is the intention then just describe them as top or expert hackers other wise including an ancient group of martial artists in the logline is confusing.
Lastly if the main character is the Psychic then best to make the events that take place relevant and ideally personal to that character. Otherwise it is unclear why this particular psychic must prevent the disaster, their motivation to do what they do is not clear.
In my opinion the main problem is that I can’t see the link between the parts.
1. [the hacking of a financial software]
2. [a ‘psychic strategist’ (no idea of what that means) decoding a ‘work of popular japanese fiction’ (try to tell straight what that is)]
In my opinion the beautiness of a logline is when the reader undestands?the necessity which links all the elements AND at the same time he is surprised.
‘When the wolf attack?his sheeps, a shepherd must hunt the wolf’ – here we see necessity, logic, there’s even a character’s arc (shepherd to hunter) but not so much surprise.
‘When a sheep attacks a wolf, a hunter?must fish the golden carp” This is strange, surprising, but we can’t see the logic. There?CAN be a logic (the sheep goes violent following an ancient prophecy and the prophecy tells that only the blood of the golden carp can stop the madness) – but the logic must be clear for the reader.
As the others have said.
And I’m not exactly excited about a protagonist who can solve the problem ?by ?magic — by ?psychic abilities — rather than ?by old-fashioned intellect. ?That strikes me as too easy, too facile. ?It enables him to conveniently pull rabbits out of the hat rather?work out solutions?the more dramatically compelling way, ?by sheer geeky-intelligence and grit.
fwiw.
When a tech company?s financial software is compromised by a terrorist group, a strategist must unravel clues from an ancient work of popular Japanese fiction to prevent the global economy from collapse.
But it’s not “about” that really. The strategist discovers that she has both been written into the story, and her actions create the story. Its the slow unveil that this investigation leads wherever she looks hardest…so it’s about agency.
And how do you state that the story takes place in the future?