Penpusher
Posted: 2016-09-16T17:40:42+10:00 In:

When a struggling college student develops several mental illnesses and delusions as a result of his cheating girlfriend, he is put on the path of recovery when he forms an unlikely bond with a suicide attempt survivor.

When a struggling college student develops several mental illnesses and delusions as a result of his cheating girlfriend, he is put on the path of recovery when he forms an unlikely bond with a suicide attempt survivor.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      A protagonist should be ?proactive. ?The main character in this logline seems reactive, weak, and emotionally dependent on others. ?One woman drives him crazy; another rescues him from his craziness. ?How appealing is that to male viewers, let alone female ones?

      “Several mental illnesses” (??) ?Like what, specifically? ?And what is the “path of recovery” — what is his specific objective goal to ?acquire “sanity”? ?And develop mature agency– taking responsibility and control for his own emotional state?

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    2. Singularity

      What DPG wrote.

      Also, best to specify a starting point for your story. Currently the logline describes the story starting after he develops problems, but this could take any shape, form or?amount of time. Best to specify one single event that pushed him over the edge, instead of a vague sequence of events occurring over an arbitrary amount of time.

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