Undrafted
tgrovesPenpusher
When a talented college football kicker goes undrafted, he falls into the world he has been trying so hard to get away from, the mob.
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Nice set up, nice title. But what is the protagonists goal once he is in the mob-life, what are the stakes of failure, and is “talented” the best flaw that could describe this character? Over zealous, perhaps? Egomaniacal?
Personally, this logline isn’t grabbing me. The hero is too passive. He seems spineless. It’s about things either being done to him (being undrafted) or things happening to him (falling).
I guess the hero’s goal isn’t clear to me either. I guess the story is about him trying to make the college team, then at the very end, he’s undrafted and joins the mob? (Or is the story mostly about what he does after he has already joined the mob?)