Samurai
Posted: 2019-06-14T19:00:15+10:00 In:

When a taser-slinging HOA president threatens to harm her pooch, a mom stages a coup to take him down ? during the neighborhood?s ladies-only Bunco Night. (25 words)

Title: Bunco Night

This rewrite includes a new inciting incident that raises stakes a bit. What do you think??

 

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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Agree with mikepedley85 that the tasering could be the tipping point provocation, the one that triggers the woman to plot a coup .? And it’s the culmination of a series of offenses inflicted by the HOA honcho on others, not just the antagonist.? That is necessary in order to motivate others to become co-conspirators.

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    2. Singularity

      Why only threaten? Why not go all out and have him actually taser the dog? Reverse Save the Cat moment = instant villain!

      Not sure you need the “during the neighbourhood’s….” line at the end.

      When the vile HOA President tasers her dog, a shy soccer mom stages a coup to take him down. (19 words)

       

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