Duality
When a stubborn secret agent wakes up in Eastern Europe trapped in the body of a reclusive female English teacher, the unlikely duo must set their differences aside to find the agent’s body before his former government employers, who want him dead, do.
Hey Knightrider, here?s me ?trying? to give you some good advice. (1) Pure out of movie logic, I would say the agent is a man and the schoolteacher a woman (romantic interest etc.), but the logline does not literally tell us the schoolteacher is a woman. (2) Shorten the sentence by killing your darlings. Maybe split it up into two sentences. I would say this is a psycho thriller. If it is, maybe you give a way to much about the promise (although I like where this story is going). (3) By saying the duo discovers? you tell the audience their relation is already on ?speaking terms?? even before the audience has seen the movie.
“When a tentative secret agent wakes up trapped inside the body of a secretive school teacher, he’s forced to work with his inhospitable host to find out what happened to his own body.”
Hey Knightrider, here?s me ?trying? to give you some good advice. (1) Pure out of movie logic, I would say the agent is a man and the schoolteacher a woman (romantic interest etc.), but the logline does not literally tell us the schoolteacher is a woman. (2) Shorten the sentence by killing your darlings. Maybe split it up into two sentences. I would say this is a psycho thriller. If it is, maybe you give a way to much about the promise (although I like where this story is going). (3) By saying the duo discovers? you tell the audience their relation is already on ?speaking terms?? even before the audience has seen the movie.
“When a tentative secret agent wakes up trapped inside the body of a secretive school teacher, he’s forced to work with his inhospitable host to find out what happened to his own body.”
Thanks, I did think about the short version you quoted and stating a “Female School Teacher” but was worried I was talking and describing the characters too much as opposed to plot.
Good point on the last point about them talking.
Thanks, I did think about the short version you quoted and stating a “Female School Teacher” but was worried I was talking and describing the characters too much as opposed to plot.
Good point on the last point about them talking.
I am just a little confused with tentative. I don’t get any character from that word. People are normally tentative in a situation or scenario or taking an action. Not really a way of describing an entire personality.
I think it raises more questions than it answers. You want the reader to question how you achieve the outcomes you outline. Not question what you are trying to say. I think that word lets down a good premise.
I am just a little confused with tentative. I don’t get any character from that word. People are normally tentative in a situation or scenario or taking an action. Not really a way of describing an entire personality.
I think it raises more questions than it answers. You want the reader to question how you achieve the outcomes you outline. Not question what you are trying to say. I think that word lets down a good premise.
Thanks for the feedback. I’ll look to tweak the logline.
Thanks for the feedback. I’ll look to tweak the logline.
There needs to be an antagonist in this somehow.
There needs to be an antagonist in this somehow.
“Struggling” is a strange description for the MC as a secret agent. Struggling normally implies financially in the context of a secret agent that seams unrelated, what is he struggling with?
Is there a different character description you can use? A description that could imply a character flaw for the MC to overcome in their inner journey?
Waking up in the teacher’s body sounds like the inciting incident for the MC as this has never happened to him before. In this case no need to mention him getting shot as that is a perfectly normal thing for secrete agents. Save words in the logline and get strait to the inciting incident in the beginning of the log line.
“…they?ll be forced to go on the run…” sounds like a passive character better to have them go up against the bad guys by choice make the MC an active one in pursuit of the bad guys. On that note give the MC a clear goal such as: put the bad guy in jail, get back his own body, etc…
Hope this helps.
“Struggling” is a strange description for the MC as a secret agent. Struggling normally implies financially in the context of a secret agent that seams unrelated, what is he struggling with?
Is there a different character description you can use? A description that could imply a character flaw for the MC to overcome in their inner journey?
Waking up in the teacher’s body sounds like the inciting incident for the MC as this has never happened to him before. In this case no need to mention him getting shot as that is a perfectly normal thing for secrete agents. Save words in the logline and get strait to the inciting incident in the beginning of the log line.
“…they?ll be forced to go on the run…” sounds like a passive character better to have them go up against the bad guys by choice make the MC an active one in pursuit of the bad guys. On that note give the MC a clear goal such as: put the bad guy in jail, get back his own body, etc…
Hope this helps.
Happy for any help, this was very helpful as didn’t really twig the double IC. Trimmed it down, hopefully provided a more active rather than passive by having them have a clear goal that isn’t running from somebody.
Happy for any help, this was very helpful as didn’t really twig the double IC. Trimmed it down, hopefully provided a more active rather than passive by having them have a clear goal that isn’t running from somebody.
Who: protagonist, antagonist : stubborn secret agent, reclusive female school teacher
What: problem :trapped in an other body.
When:, where: setting : (1) ? (2) body of a female school teacher
How: conflict : employers, who want him dead
Why:goal : find the agent?s body
Irony: trapped in a body makes ‘teamplay’ difficult
Compelling mental picture = irony
Active protagonist: the best way is to SHOW his ACTION, otherwise use ACTIVE WORD(S)? — will need to set—- must set —- “.. unlikely duo SETS their difference aside…”
Audience and cost: depends for a big part on ‘the setting’
Killer title: X
Film genre: ‘Dude wth a problem’ meets ‘Buddy love’ — see “Save the Cat” from Blake Snyder
Love interest: GROWS of main characters leads to respect and later to love between (stubborn) secret agent, (reclusive) female school teacher
Who: protagonist, antagonist : stubborn secret agent, reclusive female school teacher
What: problem :trapped in an other body.
When:, where: setting : (1) ? (2) body of a female school teacher
How: conflict : employers, who want him dead
Why:goal : find the agent?s body
Irony: trapped in a body makes ‘teamplay’ difficult
Compelling mental picture = irony
Active protagonist: the best way is to SHOW his ACTION, otherwise use ACTIVE WORD(S)? — will need to set—- must set —- “.. unlikely duo SETS their difference aside…”
Audience and cost: depends for a big part on ‘the setting’
Killer title: X
Film genre: ‘Dude wth a problem’ meets ‘Buddy love’ — see “Save the Cat” from Blake Snyder
Love interest: GROWS of main characters leads to respect and later to love between (stubborn) secret agent, (reclusive) female school teacher
Another Save The Cat reader… I love that book, it is the basis for what I am trying to write. Thanks for your help, I will make some tweaks to improve the logline.
Another Save The Cat reader… I love that book, it is the basis for what I am trying to write. Thanks for your help, I will make some tweaks to improve the logline.
yes, it’s a great book. It’s well known, even in The Netherlands. So I do not see mature problems, only some small tweaks as you say are needed. Only thing I’m not sure of is if their is a (clear) setting. Maybe some real pro’s on this forum can help?!
yes, it’s a great book. It’s well known, even in The Netherlands. So I do not see mature problems, only some small tweaks as you say are needed. Only thing I’m not sure of is if their is a (clear) setting. Maybe some real pro’s on this forum can help?!
… Oops I mean””there instead of “their”.
… Oops I mean””there instead of “their”.
Yep, it is a great book. I have made some tweaks so hopefully setting is a bit clearer and they appear active. Thanks for your help, I have appreciated yours and everyone else’s help
Yep, it is a great book. I have made some tweaks so hopefully setting is a bit clearer and they appear active. Thanks for your help, I have appreciated yours and everyone else’s help