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MitchWLogliner
Posted: August 24, 20202020-08-24T05:16:45+10:00 2020-08-24T05:16:45+10:00In: Fantasy

When a village boy is given up for sacrifice to avoid a Giant and a Dragon destroying the village, he must find a way to escape before being cooked into dumplings.

When a village boy is given up for sacrifice to avoid a Giant and a Dragon destroying the village, he must find a way to escape before being cooked into dumplings.
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    1. mrliteral Samurai
      2020-08-29T10:17:24+10:00Added an answer on August 29, 2020 at 10:17 am

      Never start a logline with When. Start with the protagonist, then provide the antagonist, conflict, & stakes. Avoid commas. 25-30 words.

      So what happens to the village when this kid escapes? Is he concerned about that? Why was he chosen? We know nothing about him. Give him a single adjective to help define him.

      Who makes the dumplings, the giant or the dragon? This sounds like it’s trying to be cute but it doesn’t make sense in context. We need to understand the basis of the story in a single sentence, without having to ask questions merely to comprehend it.

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