Logliner
Posted: 2016-01-03T23:43:06+10:00 In:

When a world famous actor moves in next door, a small town girl tries to teach him how to have a normal life

When a world famous actor moves in next door, a small town girl tries to teach him how to have a normal life
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    3 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Logliner

      Thank you for the above, the feedback has been very helpful. My issue has been trying to work out how much information to give away in the longline, but I’ve posted another attempt…

      ‘When a Hollywood actor, trying to escape his notoriety, takes a break in a small Australian town, he forms a bond with a local girl and must decide if he wants to return to his extraordinary but superficial life’.

      • 0
    2. Best Answer
      Uberwriter

      The two things I think need a look. ?I am guessing he has moved to a small town? Because it could be a major city with a girl from a small town living next door. ?If he has moved to a small town then why? ?This could give you so much implied story beyond just an inciting incident, “post rehab”, “visiting a dying relative” etc.

      What is their eventual relationship? I think this would set tone. Here is my take on Titanic as an example.

      A young socialite desperate to escape her controlling fiance fails in love with a penniless artist on board Titanic.

      i hope this helps. ?I can see this as a good story.

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    3. Best Answer
      Singularity

      So who is the protagonist, the actor or the girl?? Either way, just the fact that the actor moves in next door is a weak inciting incident for what follows.

      If the girl is the protagonist, WHY does she think she must take it upon herself to show the actor how to live a ‘normal life’?

      And if the actor is the protagonist, WHY does he think he needs to let the girl show him how to live a normal life?? Why would he want to live a ‘normal life’?? (And why would people want to go to a movie about living ?a normal life?? Don’t we go to movies to watch people learning how to live non-normal, extraordinary lives?)

      Finally, a?logline should identify a specific?objective goal.?Unfortunately, ?’living a normal life’ is vague, non-specific, a weak candidate for an objective goal.

      By objective goal,? I mean one with?that??establishes a?visual criterion for?the audience to know ?when? the character has achieved that goal. ?For example, if the story is about a runner with an?objective goal to win the marathon at the Olympics, it establishes an unambiguous, visual?criterion for the audience to know whether he succeeds?:? he crosses the finish line first, breaks the tape.? And in addition there is also the visual of the?runner?getting? the gold medal hung around his neck.

      What’s the visual look like?for a ‘normal life’?

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