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torgodogLogliner
When a young homeless woman is confronted by an evil older male blackmailer, who holds the key to her secret, she must choose between her dignity and a roof over her head. (this is for a scene, but I’m requested to submit a logline for it).
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Posted this in the other one…
A woman trying to get her life back on track is blackmailed into sex by a man who threatens to inform her shelter and care program about her secret drug habit.
Idea – could make her counsellor the sex predator??
So what’s it about? A woman regaining control over her life in more ways than one.
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Why does the blackmailer hold the key for her getting a roof over her head? Is he rich or something? Does he offer her a roof in exchange for what?
As a reader, I have more questions than answers when I read this logline.
Also, you write that the man?holds the key to her secret.? That’s too vague for a description.? Why does an evil old man blackmail a homeless person. Why is he interested in her?
A man blackmails a young woman he’ll inform the shelter and care program about her ongoing drug habit, leaving her homeless, unless she becomes his mistress.
I think you were trying too hard to be mysterious and secretive and ended up with a convoluted sentence full of pleonasm. Blackmailers are always more evil than anyone else in the film; if you know someone’s secret you have the keys to the secret; you can’t blackmail a homeless person with homelessness.
Maybe you wanted something like one of the following:
A fifty year-old man blackmails a twenty year-old woman, leaving her the choice between living with him? as his mistress or unemployment and homelessness.
A middle-aged man tells a homeless, eighteen year-old runaway he’ll inform her parents of her whereabouts unless she? agrees to live? with him as his mistress.