Posted: 2012-12-17T06:26:51+10:00 In:

When a young man with a tendency to say the wrong thing at the worst moment discovers an alternate universe where everyone says exactly what they mean, he finally feels like he can fit in, but as he loses track of which reality is which, he risks losing his job, his friends and the girl he has been trying so hard to win over.

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    3 Reviews

    1. Penpusher

      I like that a lot. Good idea, clear goal and stakes, and the shape of the logline feels right – but it’s overlong. Maybe split it into two sentences? Definitely work on saying the same things in fewer words. “When a guy who always says the wrong thing” and so on. But you’re clearly on the right track with this one…

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    2. Less is indeed more. Though using two sentences feels like cheating.

      “When a guy with a big mouth discovers an alternate universe where everyone says exactly what they mean, he finally feels like he fits in, but as he loses track of which reality is which, he risks losing his job, his friends and the girl he is so keen on.”

      Thanks debbiemoon

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    3. I would probably say “awkward” rather than “big mouth,” which leaves a sour taste in my mind. I feel like I could rewrite it for you, but that’s not the point. However, that does mean that I can see what you’re going for, and I like the idea.

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