When all contact is lost with a colony on a distant planet, a space pilot who claims to have discovered a terrifying creature there must join a team of bull-headed marines to investigate.
Alan SmitheePenpusher
When all contact is lost with a colony on a distant planet, a space pilot who claims to have discovered a terrifying creature there must join a team of bull-headed marines to investigate.
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Re: the logline itself:
Since Ripley is the protagonist, the inciting incident could/should be framed around her. The fact they’ve lost contact with the colony is key, but I think it needs to be from Ripley’s perspective. There’s some leg-work to do here too unfortunately. As a sequel though, you can use a bits of the first to help. You’re working with an existing IP – capitalise on that! Use “Ripley” rather than space pilot (but maybe give her a characteristic), tell us that this distant planet is the same one the Xenomorph was found in Alien. It’s a very different beast working with sequels. My biggest question from yours is “why?”. Why MUST the space pilot join them?
I feel like your logline only goes to the midpoint – nothing wrong with this – but the midpoint is the discovery the colony has been completely overrun by Xenomorphs and now the film shifts to be about survival… That’s a big shift and it tells the reader a lot about what sort of film this is. Especially if you can plant the seed that it’s about two “mothers” protecting their “young”.
Food for thought anyway. Hope this helps.
This is just Aliens, right? Stick it in examples if it is or you’ll get a lot of people saying “this has been done before”! Hahaha!