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NisVintenLogliner
When an amateur trick theif is sentenced to 10 years in prison he is forced to hide in his twin brother?s estate where he is given the opportunity to exchange identity with his brother and must now cheat the locals, his brother?s wife and the police by behaving like a well educated landowner in order to maintain his relationship with his 8-year-old daughter.
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At 63 words this is way too long for a logline.
Whilst there are all the elements here it could easily be trimmed down to fit within the 35 word recommendation.
It doesn’t really work for me though. What’s in it for the brother? He must be on board! Surely somebody would notice… the wife probably?
Why not make him an identity thief and he figures out a way to send his twin brother away for a month and all he wants to do is spend his daughter’s next birthday with her. Something more plausible.
“When jail time will make him miss his daughter’s 10th birthday, ?an identity thief must find a way to “borrow” his twin’s life to avoid prison for a month and be there for her special day”
I would watch this!
Hope this helps.
As mikepedley 85 said, the logline is too long.? And it? juggles too balls.?
And it buries what I think is the story hook:? a petty criminal passes himself off his as twin brother in order to avoid going to prison.
Also, I suggest the setup needs reworking.? Unless a character has the big bucks to pay for a lawyer to argue that his client needs some time arrange his business affairs, as soon as the judge pronounces sentence, a convicted person is remanded to custody and imprisonment — he goes directly to jail.? ?And there is no clue that this character, an amateur, has that kind of money or legal representation.? ?So there’s that.