When an arcane creature disembowels several Asian women in 1900s San Francisco, a war-weary army officer teams with a disparate group of social outcasts to hunt it down? Only to discover the city council is the real force behind the monster?s bloodbath.
KellyK1981Penpusher
When an arcane creature disembowels several Asian women in 1900s San Francisco, a war-weary army officer teams with a disparate group of social outcasts to hunt it down? Only to discover the city council is the real force behind the monster?s bloodbath.
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The one thing that came to mind at the end of reading the logline is ‘why?’
Why MUST this guy team up with these people and why MUST he hunt the monster?
You have a main character, a course of action, and a goal, but the connective sinew that is motivation is lacking – the events lack a cause and effect relationship.
IMO everything after the ellipsis can be cut. I’d rather watch the movie to find out who is responsible rather than be told.
Why mention the disemboweling? Is is important in the logline?
Nir gives some good advice about the inciting incident. Is there one for your M.C.? There needs to be one.
Otherwise, interesting topic. Is it based on any urban legends?
>>>Only to discover the city council is the real force behind the monster?s bloodbath.
That’s a spoiler and a logline should never have a spoiler.? The Big Reveal is something a logline should never reveal.? What’s going to sell the script — and the movie — is the monster, not the politics.
Also the antagonist should be a single individual, a Bad Guy (or Gal), not a committee, a group of Bad Guys (and Girls). A group of people can be complicit, of course, but who is the first among equals, the alpha character, who is leading the others?