Mentor
Posted: 2018-01-15T10:08:23+10:00 In:

When an assassin whose memories are erased after every hit falls in love with his latest target, he must find who wants her dead to get the contract cancelled, but doing so will trigger his next memory reboot.

Reboot

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    5 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      Golly, I just hate the use of comma training a logline. Almost seems lazy to me.

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    2. Singularity

      Good dramatic dilemma, but…

      >>>he must take down his employers to prevent his next reboot.

      Uh,? what about saving the the woman he’s fallen in love with?

      >> but he can?t get it cancelled as that would also perform a reboot

      So he’s not in control of his own mind?? The Big Bad Corp has remote control of it?

      And if he does it get it cancelled and his mind is rebooted, then at least he’s saved her life, right?? That’s a worthwhile sacrifice. And not a bad way to resolve his dilemma.

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    3. Singularity
      That makes sense in the story world – especially considering what he does.

      However, even if he works for a firm, there’s still going to be a head honcho a big cheese a boss of sorts. Whomever this person is, he or she will have a great impact on the MC’s fight/struggle/conflict, and it’ll only help to describe that person in a way that would increase the perception of the obstacle.

      The mechanics of exactly how or when the memories get cleared is irrelevant in the logline, what is important is the fact that the MC will lose his love so he has to do whatever to the person in charge.

      Losing the love if the job gets canceled is a great complication as it gives him a dilemma -? he has to get the hit canceled to save the woman he loves but, at the same time, lose her from his memory. Poetic and ironic as this dilemma is, its place is in the script, not the logline.

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    4. Mentor

      Hmm, I was going with a concept that he works for a firm, which acts as a kinda middleman, so he wouldn?t know the who hired him directly. This way it prevents him turning on them.
      So he?d need to find out who wanted the hit, but he can?t get it cancelled as that would also perform a reboot. I will see about tweaking

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    5. Singularity

      This sounds really interesting – well done!

      I would take out the “persona reinstalled…” bit, it’s a complication that adds little to the plot. The important parts are that he is an assassin, his memories of each job get wiped out and he falls in love – his goal is clear and well motivated.

      Perhaps it would help if you where to add a better description of what he must do to the antagonist. What does “…take down…” actually mean? Kill them? Have them arrested? Either way, it needs clarity.

      Secondly, if he is an assassin, what’s stopping him from simply popping off the bad guy or gal? A more accurate description of the antagonist would help, perhaps it’s a corrupt chief of police or mafia boss – anything that would indicate the major obstacle the MC will face.

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