Samurai
Posted: 2019-02-28T00:31:55+10:00 In:

When an emotionally volatile tachycardic gets enhanced primal senses from his condition, he must learn to hone his senses to stop a rich influential man from taking his abilities and taking over the city. (revised edition round 1)

When an emotionally volatile tachycardic gets enhanced primal senses from his condition, he must learn to hone his senses to stop a rich influential man from taking his abilities and taking over the city. (revised edition round 1)
Share

    Post a review

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Primal senses… what are the primal senses? I don’t really understand this part of the logline and it’s crucial to understand the story. Even googling it I get very little so perhaps be more specific.

      If he has superpowers surely it’s pretty easy to stop a guy who is simply rich and influential? Or is he like Batman? Or Iron Man? Just the villainous version. How is this rich guy going to even take the abilities when they’re tied to his condition in the first place? Doesn’t sound like something that can transfer between people.

      Why does the rich man want to take over the city? What does he stand to gain? A good exercise to stop the villain being a little 1 dimensional is to write a logline from their perspective too – it helps to flesh out their objective and how they will be going about it.

      • 0
    2. Samurai

      Same thoughts as Mike.

      I get a Daredevil impression from primal senses, but without enough of a connection to a fast heart rate.

      “Emotionally volatile” is interesting in its own right, but hard to see the point of it with everything else.

      My two cents.

      • 0