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SumiLogliner
Posted: March 9, 20162016-03-09T20:42:02+10:00 2016-03-09T20:42:02+10:00In: Examples

When an English apprentice witch’s last correspondence lesson doesn’t arrive, she must take her 3 young charges and a conman on a flying bed to search for a missing spell that will help drive back invading German forces. [Bedknobs and Broomsticks]

When an English apprentice witch’s last correspondence lesson doesn’t arrive, she must take her 3 young charges and a conman on a flying bed to search for a missing spell that will help drive back invading German forces. [Bedknobs and Broomsticks]
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    1. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2016-03-10T09:39:55+10:00Added an answer on March 10, 2016 at 9:39 am

      The complication for the Angela Lansbury character comes about as a result of her working as a nanny and needs to be elaborated on, but only mentioning 3 young charges isn’t clear enough. The lesson not arriving reads as having less drama than it could have and her allies are not necessary for the logline.

      After her? last correspondence lesson goes missing an apprentice witch, who works as a nanny during WW2, must take her 3 young charges on a flying bed to search for a missing spell that will help her drive back invading German forces.

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    2. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2016-03-11T07:56:01+10:00Added an answer on March 11, 2016 at 7:56 am

      True her specific role in the lives of the children could be described differently and yes she is reluctant, but ultimately the function she fulfills is that of an assigned nanny. This is what a reader would need to know from the logline.

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