When an entire town gets a virus from the trial of a brain-activated smart phone, a self-righteous hippy must stop the company and shut down the trial.
MichaelGLogliner
When an entire town gets a virus from the trial of a brain-activated smart phone, a self-righteous hippy must stop the company and shut down the trial.
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I agree with Sumi that there’s a potential for a lot of comedy if the premise is reverse engineering? “virus” such ?that the smart phone is literally infecting people with a virus.? (Although, I suggest that the culprit?be a? popular,? seductive ?smart phone app rather than a defective OS).? But that needs to be stated with greater clarity.
And I think his other questions are pertinent.? And what does the hippy being self-righteous as a character flaw bring to the dramatic problem of the virus infection?? The character flaw should be?relevant?to the dramatic problem such that until the flaw is recognized and overcome, the character cannot solve the dramatic problem.? That’s the dramatic purpose of a character flaw , to create suspense,?doubt and uncertainty that the character can succeed.?How does being self-righteous make the hippy unable to cure the viral infection?
To repeat, I think the premise is a rough gem that needs a polish.
It’s really quite a funny concept so that’s good.
However I agree with the others. There’s a missing link. What is the connection that the hippie has with the problem? What makes him your hero as opposed to anyone else in the story?
I assume the virus affects the brain and so incapacitates people. As an aside, how did he not get the virus himself? Is he the only one remaining who can do something about the problem? This might help join the dots in the reader’s head about why the hippie needs to overcome his usual languor and be your hero.
Just my 2c worth.
Agreed with DPG.
In addition though, how is this story personal for the MC? Why is it so important for him to save the town? Is it his or her home town? Do his or her family? live there and they’re trying to help them?
Without making it personal the stakes seem very low.
Do users gets a virus –malware– in their phones.? Or do they contract a literal virus?
Either way what, ?are the stakes? Why must the hippy “deputize”?himself to shut down the company and the?virus?? If it’s malware — well, that is such a quotidian problem these days with computers and smart phones (alas).? What makes this malware so dramatically significant?? What unique jeopardy does it?pose that makes it?stand out from all the other malware?? And what qualifies the hippy to solve the problem?? Is he also a geek, a code warrior?