When an intergalactic refugee crash-lands at his farm, a timid teenager must find the courage to protect the exile and himself from malicious space hunters.

A logline is about a setup?of a dramatic problem that will constitute the main action in the 2nd Act to be resolved successfully or not in the 3rd Act.

Taking this logline at face value, it suggests that the main action in the 2nd Act is the timid teenager looking… and looking… and looking…?for? a subjective factor, his courage.? Which, hopefully he will find? by the 3rd Act, in time to save the exile and himself in the climax.

But it makes for a stronger, more interesting?logline to be explicitly be?about a protagonist’s struggle for an objective goal and only implicitly about whatever?subjective factor he?needs to develop in order to achieve his objective goal.? The missing subjective factor is implied in the character flaw — hence, the character arc — in the teenager being “timid”.? Hence,,? “must find the courage” is extraneous.

It seems to me that this logline might benefit from is a more explicit rendering of HOW he must protect the exile.?? And why — the stakes.? Why must?the teenage?protect him? Maybe the space bounty hunters?after the exile? is?a criminal on the lam.? What injustice or wrong is the exile in need of protection from?

fwiw

Okay.? I suggest being more specific as to his refugee status.??Like, he’s fleeing political and ethnic persecution in his own world.

The parallels to current earthly refugee crises?are obvious and, imho, ?could be leveraged to allegorical effect enhancing the thematic value of the concept.???

That would make for ?a short film I would like to see.? Best wishes.