Penpusher
Posted: 2016-09-08T01:24:04+10:00 In:

When an orphan turned assassin in training disobeys killing her target, she is thrown into the lower ranks of the Assassin’s Guild, working as a servant, trying to work her way up only to discover her parents? killer walking the hallways and finding a record that showed her village?s demise was paid-for, not random and now she must find out the reason why her village was a target, and more importantly, who was responsible for it.

When an orphan turned assassin in training disobeys killing her target, she is thrown into the lower ranks of the Assassin’s Guild, working as a servant, trying to work her way up only to discover her parents? killer walking the hallways and finding a record that showed her village?s demise was paid-for, not random and now she must find out the reason why her village was a target, and more importantly, who was responsible for it.
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    4 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Singularity

      Agreed with the above.
      This is too long for a logline. Best you review the Training tab up top to understand what the critical components are of a logline.

      Here is, in short, the key points:

      Who is the main character? – clear MC description

      What does he or she want? – a goal.

      What is preventing them from getting what they want? – an obstacle.

      Answer ONLY the above questions in a single sentence, and we will be able to help you construct a logline from that.

      • 0
    2. Best Answer
      Mentor

      Hi, it does seem a little long and clunky. Recluse has done a pretty good job and making it a tighter logline.

      • 0
    3. Best Answer
      Singularity

      At 76 words, this logline is too long and complicated to properly evaluate and offer suggestions. ?Except to point out that most of it seems to be backstory and the setup for the action of the plot proper. ?I’m ?not sure where the plot proper begins. ?And a logline should focus on the plot proper.

      Please check out “Training” at the top of the web page for guidelines on composing a succinct, industry acceptable logline.

      • 0
    4. Best Answer
      Logliner

      A trainee assassin disobeys killing her target and is demoted in the Assassin?s Guild, but working her way up the ranks she discovers her parents? killer and a trail to uncover why her?village was targeted for destruction and who ordered it.

      • 0