On the brink of a new type of technological and societal global war, a charismatic figure rises through the political sphere using Social Media as he faces adversity from those who would profit from a war succeeding.
Caleb TumanakoLogliner
On the brink of a new type of technological and societal global war, a charismatic figure rises through the political sphere using Social Media as he faces adversity from those who would profit from a war succeeding.
Share
The wording is a bit strange in this logline.
It’s not necessary to describe (and waste valuable logline real estate…) the families, simply state when AI takes over most jobs. The stakes aren’t clear, how is the world in danger? Sure, the job market will change but why does the world need to be united? And what does unit the world mean?? And why this one guy? What is it about this problem that motivates him more than anyone else?
Who is the lead character?
Inciting Incident: When wars erupt…
Main Character: … a Man rises up…
Main Action/Objective: … to bring Peace.
The “post-technological change,” although I am not sure what it means, makes me think of a post-apocalyptic setting. Post-technological means that technology is over, right?
Other than that, though, I get no sense of what the movie is about.It could be about any war in any part of humanity, with any leader trying to bring peace.
The same with “the Man” who rises for peace. Anything more specific, please?
Finally, the action: “bringing peace” is not a visible goal with a clear end-point. Does he need to convince a General to cease fire? Does he need to kill a deranged monarch? Does he need to educate the people? I dunno, you need to tell us and put it in the logline.
Also, if it’s Sci-Fi, you should put it under that category, not “Drama.”
>>>he is a prophecized figure from the Bible
But it’s the story hook, what makes the story stand out from all the other world-going-to-hell-in-a-hand-basket, doomsday scenarios.? ?IMHO: the most important element in a logline is the story hook. So I believe it needs to be incorporated into the logline.
fwiw
>>>>he is a prophecized figure from the Bible.
In my calculus, the most important element in a logline is the hook.? And in this story, the hook is that the advent of the protagonist is a fulfillment of Biblical prophesy.? It’s the story element that makes the story stand out from other earth-going-to-hell-in-a-hand-basket scenarios? So it needs to be worked into the logline.
Best if you post new versions of a logline further down the same thread instead of re writing the original post – this way we can all see/track the progress and changes you make.
War is better for your story – it has clearer and more immediate stakes.
However, I’d argue that it’s still unclear what starts the story off and how it will end. What event causes the war to start? Is it a big political assassination? If so, could the main character be somehow related to the victim? If you do make the main character a relation of the victim, you can make the story more personal and add the logic of why he (over all others) must rise up and save the people.
You need to keep your descriptions immediately clear to all readers. This means that no matter who reads it, they should be able to get it straight away without the need to think about or search for the meaning of the terminology in the logline.? What does a “…new type of technological and societal global war…” mean? No need to answer this, just think of a better way to word it so that the reader doesn’t wonder what you mean. In my opinion, war is war – best keep it that way and simply describe it as WW3.
Lastly, facing adversity is the very nature of characters in good stories – making that statement on its own doesn’t inform the reader. What must the main character do before the end of the story? Must he end the war? Win it? Save a handful of people?
Whatever it is he MUST do you MUST describe it in the logline.