When he experiences an unexpected sensation in his nether regions during a massage from another man, George is forced to confront his own sexuality and insecurities.

The End.

Specifically, what happens? Visually, what are we watching on screen. All the action is happening inside the character’s head.

We don’t need to know his name’s George. It takes up valuable real estate in a logline. Instead give us something about WHO he is. Check out my blog post on writing characters in a logline for advice: http://lefttowrite.co.uk/loglines-character/

What’s his goal? Oh and making a decision about whether he’s gay or not is not a goal. Again, it happens inside the character’s head. It must be an objective goal. In a comedy, it could be something like ask the guy he now realises he fancies on a date. Or come out to his very conservative family. Either way, it has to be something we can watch.

I feel like the inciting incident needs more work here too. I know what you’re going for, but I think it’s not strong enough motivation yet. I want this to be more like him accidentally kissing his best (male) friend while drunk and the film is him dealing with the consequences. I want a bigger moment!

Food for thought and I hope this helps.