This is not a synopsis but a brief description of the backstory and what the story is about. It does not have a title yet.
A close knit Asian immigrant family is extremely protective of their loving but emotionally impulsive Mother. The Mother is overseas visiting her relatives when her unique son dies from a tragic accident. The daughters are afraid that their Mother would not survive the shocking news of the child she most loves. They lie that their brother is taking time off to travel the world. A Westernised and strong-minded daughter in the family mounts an elaborate scheme to make believe the son is still alive. She is a highly principled person, and her lies, and her lies make her prone to anxiety. As time goes by, the Mother begins to suspect that all is not well. She hatches her own plan to unravel the truth behind her son’s disappearance.
Who is the protagonist, the sister or the mother? Who is the pov character?
Is there anything about the tragedy that intensifies the need for the sister to cover up the death? Like the son died while doing something that will bring shame and disgrace upon the family.
Thank you for your comments. The protagonist is the sister and the mother also plays the main supporting role.
The story is about a close family who is very protective of the mother. All characters in the story are adults and the mother is elderly and emotionally fragile. Her son is her pride and her life, sort to speak.
When the son dies from a car accident while the mother is overseas, the family decides not to tell her – hence the elaborate scheme to keep her in the dark –Â because they fear she’d not survive the horrific news. But the mother begins to question the stories and bogus evidence the daughter shows her to make believe the son is still alive. She suspects that something might have happened to him and starts her own investigation.
This story is reminiscent of the French/Georgian film ‘Since Otar left’ or the American film ‘The Farewell’ where the family hides painful truth from their elders. This practice is prevalent in the Asian culture but rarely in the Western culture.
“The Farewell” is a wonderful film. I haven’t seen “Since Otar Left”, but your idea seems to be a Hollyweird adaptation. Well, adapting story lines from non-American films is a common practice, particularly if the original was a commercial success.
And I assume you are of Asian descent so you are attuned to the ethnic nuances.
One suggestion I would make is to strike the word “forced”. A bit strong, it seems to me. Nobody forces her to deceive the mother. It’s a choice she makes–she owns it. (And I would imagine that in the long run, it turns out not to be the wisest choice.)
Also would it be more accurate to say the mother is in pursuit of an answer to the mystery of his disappearance? She doesn’t know that she’s being lied to, right? So technically speaking she’s not knowingly in pursuit of the truth the daughter is withholding. I mean if I truly believed the earth was flat, I wouldn’t be in pursuit of the truth that it’s actually round. I would only be seeking an answer to the mystery of why, no matter how far I travel, I never reach the edge.
P.S. Maybe something like:
A loving daughter hatches a scheme to hide the death of her brother, her Asian mom’s favorite, only to become ensnared in more and more lies as the increasingly anxious mother relentlessly searches for him.
35 words — 3 words longer than your version. I inserted “Asian” to signal a context that lends credibility and weight to the daughter’s dramatic choice. It also signals that the film may play well in Asian markets, a not insubstantial factor in getting movies greenlit these days. Should you be more specific? Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Indian or…? Your story, your call.
fwiw
Thank you for your comments. You revised logline is positive and shows the true essence of the story. Thank you. I really like your analogy of the mother’s journey to the seeking for an answer to the mystery of the earth.
As to my film concept, had you watched ‘Since Otar left’ you’d see that my story is much closer to this story than Farewell. Farewell has a cultural component about family hiding a painful truth from their loved ones, especially the elderly. My family is from a Vietnamese background and some incidents’/events in the script actually happened within my family and among my relatives.
Originally, I wanted to tell the story from a cultural perspective, but you are the second person who alerted me of the fact that shoud it get onto the big screen it would be certainly compared to Farewell, which is a high bar to reach, especially in term of production value.
My story is very different from Farewell, and I do not wish it to be considered as an adaptation of another’s. So, I am seriously considering making this story a non-Vietnamese story. I’ll emphasise on the universal complex family relationship and the extend to which family members go to shield one another from painful reality, which might end up hurting them one way or another.
We’ll see how things go. Thanks again for your thoughtful comments.
Vivien:
After posting last night I recalled the experience of a friend whose parents immigrated from Korea. She wrote a comedy centered around a thoroughly modern Korean girl dealing with parents set in their “old country” ways.
She pitched the story broadly, but only got responses to read the script from a couple of producers who were interested in producing films about the Korean experience in the United States.
The reason I mention this is that “Asian” is a broad term. It refers to over 2 billion people from a very diverse range of ethnic groups. Producers want to know and need to know exactly what Asian group the script is about. So I suggest that if you stick with a story about Vietnam-Americans, then say so in the logline.
And I hope you stay true to your original vision. There is now more recognition of ethnic diversity in the US, more openness to stories that are different from the bland, white bread stereotypical family portrayed in US films in decades past. Stories that nonetheless reflect universal values. (I say this as a hopelessly bland, stale white bread kind of American.)
Best wishes with your writing.
“anxiety prone” female -> goal directed toward -> “conceal death of brother”
“ruthless mother” -> goal directed toward -> “revealing death of her son”
Conflict = Protagonist hiding/concealing Antagonist investigator/truthfinder
Plot structure = Detective … Murder/Mystery?
Question: Why might I empathise with a women suspected of killing her brother?
The Protagonist’s character flaw is stated as “anxiety prone”, yet their reaction to inciting incident event is to deceive. Characters of anxiety and deception tend to be avoided.
Solution: Identify character’s strengths. Often fully transformed after completion of character arc.
Hi Philippe,
Thank you for your comments. Your dissection of the logline is very helpful. Reading your comments I realise that my logline is not clear and thus has caused confusion. The sister did not kill the brother. He died from an accident and, along with her family, she decides not to break the tragic news to her fragile mother, for fear she would collapse.
The story is about a close family who is very protective of the mother. All characters in the story are adults and the mother is elderly and emotionally fragile. Her son is her pride and her life, sort to speak.
When the son dies from a car accident while the mother is overseas, the family decides not to tell her – hence the elaborate scheme to keep her in the dark – because they fear she’d not survive the horrific news. But the mother begins to question the bogus evidence the daughter shows her to make believe the son is still alive. She suspects that something might have happened to him and starts her own investigation.
This story is reminiscent of the French/Georgian film ‘Since Otar left’ or the American film ‘The Farewell’ where the family hides painful truth from their elders. This practice is prevalent in the Asian culture but rarely in the Western culture.
Thank you for sharing the story about the Korean film maker. If I decide to write about a Vietnamese immigrant family, I’ll definitely say so in the logline.
Originally my family immigrated to Australia and I immigrated to California but I live in Australia now. The Vietnamese community is strong in the US, especially in California, but is quite small in Australia. I am concerned about the lack of audience. Another concern is that Australian films are not popular on the world stage.
Anyhow, I agree with you that there is an openness to ethnicity diverse films lately (Crazy Rich Asians, Farewell, the Big Sick (Pakistani-Australian, Ali’s Wedding (Iraqi-Australian)). I just need to find my own voice.
Thank you for your encouragement.