Penpusher
Posted: 2020-08-19T07:06:21+10:00 In:

When his father, gunned down by terrorists, dies on her operating table, an atheist cryogenecist and an orphaned catholic doctor partake in a near death expermiment searching for proof of an afterlife.

Isaac’s first attempt at “near death” lands him in the hospital where he meets Verena, a catholic doctor whose parents were killed when she was six.  Together, they escape the religious terrorists that want him and his ambitious experiment dead. While on the run, she implores him to include her in the experiment, he agrees and together, they delve into the afterlife where what they learn, changes them both forever.

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    6 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Truth about what? Be specific. Loglines are about the pursuit of a specific objective goal. A specific objective goal is a person, object, or event that can be visualized on screen.

      What’s the visual for “truth”? What does “truth” look like?

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    2. Singularity

      The relationship between the inciting incident and the goal is unclear. These two things must be related. Think of them like a question and an answer – What do you do when a huge shark starts eating the locals? You try and kill the shark. Yours currently is something like “What do you do when your father is killed by terrorists? You play around with near death experiments in the search for an afterlife.” There’s a connection, sure, but it’s loose. It needs to be tight!

      “When his father […] dies on her operating table…” – his? or hers? Who is who? It’s really important for the logline to make sense and the reader to understand the relationships and characters within the story.

      Have you seen Flatliners?

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    3. Singularity

      Very good note by Mike Pedley, a useful way of framing the relationship between the inciting incident and objective goal.

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