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scollom1Penpusher
When his older brother’s killer escapes after being institutionalized for 12 years, ISAAC, a bookish High School Senior, must fight for his life in order to escape her murderous rampage.
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You don’t need to include names in a logline. Describing him as a ‘bookish High School Senior” is enough.
In a similar vein to the last logline you posted, why is he being targeted? There appears to be no motive for her murderous rampage. We need to understand why the protagonist HAS to be this guy.
Surely, a better story would be that he finds out that she’s escaped and goes to find her… nice little revenge plot. That’s the direction I thought it was heading. Even that’s a little bland though these days. It sounds like a 90s slasher film. How are you going to make this different? What’s your hook?
Hope this helps.
“When the woman who murdered his brother escapes from the mental institute, a bookish highs school senior must fight for his life when the serial killer now targets him.”