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obie1productionsLogliner
Posted: September 4, 20162016-09-04T09:08:07+10:00 2016-09-04T09:08:07+10:00In: Action

When his twin brother is murdered, a law student discovers that he was moonlighting as a vigilante; donning his brother’s mask, he takes on the criminal underworld to hunt down his brother’s killers.

When his twin brother is murdered, a law student discovers that he was moonlighting as a vigilante; donning his brother’s mask, he takes on the criminal underworld to hunt down his brother’s killers.
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    4 Reviews

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    1. Dkpough1 Uberwriter
      2016-09-04T09:51:30+10:00Added an answer on September 4, 2016 at 9:51 am

      Is this for a series?

      Anyway, the post is a bit too long. Also, is there a specific enemy?

      My example:?When a law student discovers that his twin brother was murdered because he was a vigilante, he must take on his mantle and bring his killer to justice. (~28 words)

      I suggest possibly finding a different description than law student; tell us something about his character, an adjective. Shy, obnoxious, etc. Preferably something that may be an obstacle to his goal. ?And, does he actually have any skills that would allow him to become a vigilante? Presumably, his brother had been doing it for a while, and was adept at fighting, or using whatever tools he used. What about the brother? An easy solution would be that they both took martial arts classes when they were younger, and he still practices.
      Take, for example,?Daredevil on Netflix. Matt Murdock was trained by a master martial artist, and now he just uses those skills to be a vigilante. Even then, he takes a beating. So, all I’m saying is to make sure it’s believable that this kid could take on crime.
      And, speaking of?Daredevil, I suggest changing the law student so as not to draw too many comparisons. ?Maybe medical? That would mean he has knowledge of the body and is able to even more efficiently take people down using medical knowledge.

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    2. [Deleted User]
      2016-09-04T16:57:32+10:00Added an answer on September 4, 2016 at 4:57 pm

      I agree with everything Dkpough1 said. You need a hook now that the superhero/vigilante plot is being shoved in our faces every corner we turn. I really like the idea of a medical mastermind who can pinpoint the weak parts in an opponents body and target that area, I could see the action playing out similar to Guy Richie’s Sherlock Holmes film.

      On that note, this open up for a?really?great villain. Too often superhero film villains have one undeniable weakness that is all too easy for the hero to exploit but you could have a villain that, for some reason or another (example: Wolverine’s adamantium skeleton) has no physical weakness and the hero has to use some other training to defeat him. Really interesting concept here if you use it.

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    3. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2016-09-04T17:23:54+10:00Added an answer on September 4, 2016 at 5:23 pm

      Agreed with the above.

      I’dd add that giving him a handicap of some sort would likely make it more interesting and add to his obstacle. A gamy leg, one arm, blind or deaf?- maybe that could be your hook. Zatoichi a blind samurai, made for an incredible MC and a great film – though not really blind he chooses to be, which probably makes him even greater.

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    4. dpg Singularity
      2016-09-05T02:42:49+10:00Added an answer on September 5, 2016 at 2:42 am

      Or instead of a physical handicap — it could be psychological. ?His brother got in such deep and finally fatal trouble because he was extrovert, the more adventurous one, the one who loved to take risks, live on the bleeding edge. ?While his brother was the introvert, the one who always avoided risks, played it safe.

      Now the the brother has to “put on” his brother’s temperament as well as his clothing and personality. ?And, of course, initially it will be a very uncomfortable fit.

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