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KnightriderMentor
Posted: November 2, 20162016-11-02T10:35:48+10:00 2016-11-02T10:35:48+10:00In: Thriller

When a simulation algorithm predicts that in order to prevent a deadly attack his daughter must die, an assassin must betray his employers to save her.

When a simulation algorithm predicts that in order to prevent a deadly attack his daughter must die, an assassin must betray his employers to save her.
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    5 Reviews

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    1. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2016-11-06T13:31:26+10:00Added an answer on November 6, 2016 at 1:31 pm

      Is the idea that he finds a way around the lesser of two evils dilemma? Otherwise, like DPG said – it seems bad either way.

      Should he succeed in saving her and the other people, he proves the software is unreliable and renders the premise pointless not forgetting that the ending becomes an easy cop-out. However, if the opposite is true, the plausibility of a father entrusting a piece of software, no matter how well developed, with his daughter’s life is doubtful.

      In addition, seeing as he is an assassin himself, you would have to work extra hard to make his character palatable to help the audience empathize with him – much like Jean Reno’s character in Leon.

      Ultimately, the concept comes across as heavily contrived in an attempt to create a life and death situation, I think the concept has some fundamental problems at its core. I’m not sure how these could be resolved.

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2016-11-04T13:29:08+10:00Added an answer on November 4, 2016 at 1:29 pm

      I, for one, am not able to get a clear picture of the concept motivating the story.

      As the logline is currently written, I glimpse a situation where the protagonist becomes trapped between the horns of a dilemma, ?where he’s damned-if-he-does, and damned-if-he-doesn’t. He can save his daughter — and then many innocent people will die in some (unspecified) ?attack. ?Or he can let his daughter die — and save the lives of many innocent people. ?But he can’t do both.

      A true dilemma is always a good thing in drama, but I’m not sure that is what this story intends to explore.

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    3. Dkpough1 Uberwriter
      2016-11-02T20:31:58+10:00Added an answer on November 2, 2016 at 8:31 pm

      I think you might want to add a job description in the logline for the daughter. And while he wants to save his daughter, does he want to do something else? Does he want to destroy the software? Expose his employers as criminals or something? Because if he doesn’t what stops them from coming after her again?

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    4. DavidI Logliner
      2016-11-02T13:45:14+10:00Added an answer on November 2, 2016 at 1:45 pm

      I’d like to see this movie.

      The only suggestion would be to make it “When A prediction software” – for grammar and a better contextual feel. Otherwise, it’s pretty damn good.

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    5. Dkpough1 Uberwriter
      2016-11-02T11:16:27+10:00Added an answer on November 2, 2016 at 11:16 am

      “When protection software determines his daughter must die to prevent a deadly attack, an assassin betrays his employers to save her no matter the cost.”

      By protection software do you mean surveillance/ threat assessment(Bringing to mind The Winter Soldier movie and the security vs freedom debate). And what exactly does he do to betray them? Sabotage the software? Kill someone? Why must his daughter die? How old is she, does her job have something to do with it?
      Otherwise it seems pretty good, just be more specific.

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