Across the Bridge
Chidi EzeibieliLogliner
In post-apocalyptic Africa, a clairvoyant mute and her telepathic son, falsely accused of witchcraft, struggle to escape a marauding group of villagers desperate to burn them at the stakes.
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In post-apocalyptic Africa, a clairvoyant mute and her telepathic son, falsely accused of witchcraft, struggle to escape a marauding group of villagers desperate to burn them at the stakes.
The latest version of the logline still doesn’t describe a clear goal, as find sanctuary can mean any number of things, as such the plot is unclear.
Ending the logline on “…the same foreign country she has seen an ill-fated future for.” makes no sense in the limited context that a logline can convey. This is because “…ill-fated…” lacks detail and fails to describe the particular dangers she will face and it also raises the question; if she has seen an ill-fated future in that place why go there all together? This is not a good point of intriguing for the reader it creates more confusion due to the lack of detail and direct relation to the character.
As DPG said best to focus on one goal and the ill-fated land seems confusing, so best to drop that and include a clear description of the specific way she will save her and her son.
In this version, she seems to have two objective goals:? 1] flee to a land of sanctuary, and then 2] deliver the land from a curse.
But a logline should be about one, and only one, primary objective goal. ?(There may be sub-goals, but they are milestones along the way to the primary objective goal.)
So what is her primary objective goal?? One way to figure it out is to decide?what chapter of the story will take up more screen time, the fleeing or the delivering?
If it’s the fleeing, then the plot line is??most likely ?about all the struggles and obstacles to getting to the sanctuary.?? On the other hand, if the bulk of the screen? time is about her?delivering the land?from its curse in order to gain sanctuary, ?then that chapter?would constitute?the? plot line.
Whatever chapter?takes up the bulk of the movie?, that is about her primary objective goal?should be the focus of the logline.
fwiw
The age of the son and the last clause are redundant in the logline.
It also lacks a goal, clearly she wants to escape and survive, but how ill she know she and her son are safe? What is the external and visual achievement that will make it clear that they have successfully escaped and are safe?
Lastly I second what Martinreese wrote, I’m not clear on what a “…bizarre infirmity..” is.
I think this logline has promise, but i don’t get who has the bizarre infirmity. I am intrigued by the clairvoyant mute and her son. Maybe you could say “must find sanctuary in the same foreign country she has seen an ill-fated future for.”