After nearly dying of a heart attack, a morbidly obese junk-food addict gives herself a year to get in shape to finish the London marathon.

After nearly dying of a heart attack, a morbidly obese food junkie gives herself one year to get in shape to run the London marathon.
(25 words)

I see no need to insert the trainer “B” story into the logline.? It’s a natural subplot, but the? main plot isn’t about the relationship — it’s about the struggle to? be able to run the marathon.

I think there’s? a lot of potential for a compelling story here.

But I? suggest a stronger “wake up call to action”: the inciting incident is that she almost dies from a heart attack. That would be more dramatic,? amp up the stakes and? urgency.? ?So it would not be a matter of maybe dying some time in the future; it’s either diet or die — now.

And I suggest stipulating a specific and well-known marathon she commits to running.? For example, if the story is? set in the US , then her goal is to run the Boston marathon .? (Of course, this may compel the actress portraying her to do what Charlize Theron did? to prepare for “Monster”,? “Robert DeNiro” did? for “Raging Bull”? and Christian Bale did? for ” American Hustle”? — put on serious poundage. Even though, they can fake the fat with CGI these days.)

And it’s not just the relationship with the trainer that can be explored? There’s the relationship with? friends and family — who, come to find out, were enablers.? (The test of that is that they don’t like the HDL cholesterol butterfly emerging from the? LDL cholesterol chrysalis — it forces them to change the terms of their relationship with her — as well as confront issues in their own lives.)

Best wishes with the story.