When the girl of his dreams buys him a drink, an agoraphobic movie projectionist must overcome the trauma of the death of his parents in order to take her on a date outside the arthouse cinema that he calls home.
Ed VassiePenpusher
When the girl of his dreams buys him a drink, an agoraphobic movie projectionist must overcome the trauma of the death of his parents in order to take her on a date outside the arthouse cinema that he calls home.
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I like the main character, maybe because he’s original and because he has a clear flaw (he can’t get out of his cinema theater world). The goal is clear, overcome his flaw to win the girl (this is less original but it’s ok – just be focused on an original execution).
The main problem is that the conflict is internal (overcome a trauma): usually in a logline we need to SEE the external conflict, which is visible, because this give the reader a better picture of what he will SEE in the movie. So my advice is to focus on what the main character does. You can even avoid the backstory in the logline (the trauma of the death of the mother) but be sure to include the external conflict.
The problem I see is that his conflict is not only (mostly) internal but his objective goal, such as it is,? is backward looking, overcoming a past trauma, rather than forward looking.?? What’s his dream going forward in his life?? What does he want to accomplish in the future, not merely overcome from the past?