Logliner
Posted: 2017-11-24T04:39:07+10:00 In:

When the government quarantines the empathetic AI that she created to find ?Mr. Right,? a lonely programmer must find a way to access her AI so she can extricate his identity.

When the government quarantines the empathetic AI that she created to find ?Mr. Right,? a lonely programmer must find a way to access her AI so she can extricate his identity.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      Better. But the His and connection is tenuous.

      She makes an AI to help her find Mr Right. Okay, I would read the treatment to see why.

      The AI?s personality is what she is trying to get? Why?. If the AI becomes her Mr Right let the reader know. Captain America Civil War tells you in the title what is going to happen. Don?t keep surprises hidden, they are too mouth watering.

      Think of the movie ?Her?,

      A lonely divorced man installs an AI operating system on his PC and she comes the love of his life; eventually leaving him as well.

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    2. Singularity

      “Must find a way” is vague

      Must infiltrate a secret government facility
      Must hack a government supercomputer

      What specifically must she do?

      Other that that, I agree, the logline is getting better.

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    3. Singularity

      >>>she can extricate his identity.

      Say what?? Who is this “his”? Or is it a typo and it should be “her”?

      And I’ve said it before,? I fail to see the logical sense to the government shutting down the AI just because it’s empathetic.? ?But you seem fixed on casting the Big Bad Government as the villain when a Big Bad Corporation seeking to cash in on the technology would seem to be a more logical option.

      And then there’s the matter of technical issues.? She’s smart enough to program an AI with empathy?– but not smart enough to secure it from the government?? Not smart enough to have a backup copy of the source code?? ?Not smart enough to code in a back door into her own application? and the platform that supports it — a back door that no one else would know about?? (Which is SOP, btw, one of the tricks of the trade.)

      (The default target audience for this story is computer nerds and geeks.? These are the questions the story will have to? answer in setting up the plot for that audience to buy into the story — buy tickets to see the movie? or rent the streaming video.? fwiw.)

      And how is it possible for the government to? “quarantine” anything in the Wild Wild West of the internet?

      But it’s your story.

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