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BenGilaniLogliner
Posted: June 16, 20222022-06-16T17:29:15+10:00 2022-06-16T17:29:15+10:00In: SciFi

When extraterrestrials who believe humans are annihilating the earth by pollution attempt to take a young boy they have bio-engineered to a new planet, the government uses armed forces to prevent this from happening, as they plan to use the boy as a super-soldier.

Nine-year-old Todd has been showing strange behavior since he was born. Todd has destructive powers and superhuman abilities. He lives with his 35-year-old dad and Emma, his 26-year-old beautiful live-In nanny, and home-schooling teacher Alex is infatuated with. Seeing Todd’s strange and supernatural abilities throughout the years, Alex thinks something paranormal is affecting his son. Alex thinks his house is haunted, and the haunting has something to do with his son’s strange behavior. That’s why Alex and Emma decide to get Todd away from that house and completely change his living environment, hoping the strange occurrences will stop. So, Alex rents a house in a different state far away and everyone agrees it is more fun to drive to their new house.
The trio starts driving cross country. One night, while staying at a motel, strange-looking alien objects crash into different spots on the earth, one crashing near them. They escape that area and continue their journey. But a few hours later and while on the road, they are suddenly surrounded by SWAT vans, police cars, and armored vehicles.
The lead investigator who works for a secret government agency is particularly interested in Todd. He wants to arrest and transfer Todd to a secret research facility. He claims Todd is not a human, he is in constant communication with aliens, and his superhuman abilities are the proof. The lead investigator claims their objective is to extract information about the alien’s agenda/plan from Todd so the government can take measures accordingly. The government agents think the alien’s plan is to destroy the earth. The lead investigator tries to take Todd’s favorite strange toy he always carries (a strange round-shaped object he calls the orb) from him.
After resisting and using one of his superhuman powers, Todd passes out. Alex, Todd, and Emma are arrested and transferred to a secret research facility, where unconscious Todd is kept under strict medical observation, Emma is kept separately and Alex tells them Todd’s story. After the agent hears Alex and Emma’s stories, and the agent’s discoveries are revealed to them, Alex and Emma realize what has been going on and how Todd was able to do the superhuman things he could do.
Todd wakes up. But this time influenced and controlled by extraterrestrials.
Todd overpowers the security personnel and joins his dad, Emma, and high-ranking officials in a room. Using Todd’s body and his toy (the orb), aliens reveal that they have been abducting and making biological modifications to human babies, including Todd, that can survive a new planetary environment. Because they aim to transfer these biologically modified kids to a new planet, where they will populate. The aliens say they are here now to take their re-engineered products to their new home planet and leave the human race to go extinct, so they can use the earth only as a mining planet.
But the government decides to keep Todd and utilize his superhuman powers to serve the country. They want to keep Todd and use him as a super-soldier/super-spy.
The aliens claim their ancestors bio-engineered human race. But they have apparently failed, as humans are destroying themselves and the earth with pollution, superstition, and soon a nuclear war. The aliens say the transferring process initiates soon at a particular hour. Those strange-looking objects that crashed into the earth are, in fact, vessels to transfer the kids to the mother ship.
To transfer Todd, one of the vessels levitates and moves towards him. But the army tries to prevent the aliens from taking Todd. A war with the aliens initiates. The human army loses the battle. Todd says goodbye to his father and Emma, sits inside the vessel, and leaves.

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    1. Alan H. Jordan Penpusher
      2022-06-17T05:00:06+10:00Added an answer on June 17, 2022 at 5:00 am

      This confuses me because I don’t understand why they have bioengineered the boy to another planet. Isn’t this boy bioengineered to help save the Earth?

      Why would the armed forces of the Earth have the capability of preventing the boy’s abduction?

      Maybe something like:

      A boy who has been bioengineered to eradicate the pollution that will end all life on Earth within a year must thwart the attempts of aliens who want to abduct him to save their world instead.

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      • BenGilani Logliner
        2022-06-19T00:31:01+10:00Replied to answer on June 19, 2022 at 12:31 am

        Hi AlanJordan,
        Thank you for your very valid points. I am thinking about what you wrote me and I will come up with something new soon. I appreciate your input.
        Warmly
        Ben

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      • BenGilani Logliner
        2022-06-19T01:08:48+10:00Replied to answer on June 19, 2022 at 1:08 am

        Hello again AlanJordan ,

        What do you think of this logline? You seem to be very good at this. Do you have a prettier way of saying this? I appreciate your help.
        “A young boy with super-human powers must eradicate an anthropogenic pollution-induced virus that is ending life on the earth and thwart the extraterrestrials’ attempts to abduct and use him to save their species.”
        Ciao
        Ben

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        • BenGilani Logliner
          2022-06-19T01:39:39+10:00Replied to answer on June 19, 2022 at 1:39 am

          This one:
          A young boy with super-human powers must thwart the extraterrestrials’ attempts to abduct and use him to save their species and eradicate an anthropogenic pollution-induced virus that is ending life on the earth.

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          • Alan H. Jordan Penpusher
            2022-06-21T03:51:59+10:00Replied to answer on June 21, 2022 at 3:51 am

            I have a pretty good vocabulary and when I read “anthropogenic pollution-induced virus” I had to think about what it means. In fact, I looked up the word, “anthropogenic,” just to be sure. To the best of my understanding, it means caused by human interaction.

            “pollution-induced” also makes me wonder. What kind of virus is created by pollution.

            It’s just too much effort. If this was a blurb on a book cover, I’d never open the book.

            I copied and pasted your paragraph into Word and ran the editor. Try it and you’ll see that your phrasing is at college level. I think you should be aiming for sixth grade.

            I ran it through autocrit and these words are highlighted as being difficult:

            super’human
            thwart
            extraterrestrials
            attempts
            abduct
            species
            eradicate
            anthropogenic
            pollution-induced
            virus

            So, I think you have a major communications problem.

            Speaking for myself, when I don’t understand what I want to to write, sometimes I obscure.

            Can you write your logline so that a sixth-grader can easily understand it? I suggest you go through the examples. I also suggest that you try to help a few other people improve their loglines before you revise yours.

            I hope this is helpful.

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            • BenGilani Logliner
              2022-06-26T15:11:33+10:00Replied to answer on June 26, 2022 at 3:11 pm

              Hi Alan,
              I hope this message finds you well. Thank you for taking the time and writing this to me and I apologize for the delay in responding. You have valid points. You are right. I will still work on it and make it easier for a wider audience to understand.
              Warmly
              Ben

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