Penpusher
Posted: 2016-08-31T12:42:33+10:00 In:

When the local sheriff is shot dead at an anti-violence summit, a retired FBI agent tries to take down a malevolent black rights activist in order to save his town on the brink of a race war.

When the local sheriff is shot dead at an anti-violence summit, a retired FBI agent tries to take down a malevolent black rights activist in order to save his town on the brink of a race war.
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    2 Reviews

    1. The structure is fine but everything is disconnected and doesn’t make much sense unfortunately. What does the black rights activist have to do with the ant-violence summit? And by taking him down how will it save a town? Why is he making the town hell if he just wants black rights and in 2016 will an audience accept a protagonist trying to take down someone who JUST wants equal rights — I know I wouldn’t. Hope this helps.

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    2. Singularity

      Agreed with Moses99.

      In addition there seems to be a lack of personal stakes, can you add a stakes character perhaps to tie the action of stopping violence to the MC?

      I would also change the verb “?tries?” with “?must?”, the action gains a sense of urgency this way.

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