When the prison transfer bus crashes in a remote mountain forest, a rookie officer must use her training to tame the violent inmates as well as survive against dangerous wildlife and a harsh blizzard while they await rescue.
The_CNISamurai
When the prison transfer bus crashes in a remote mountain forest, a rookie officer must use her training to tame the violent inmates as well as survive against dangerous wildlife and a harsh blizzard while they await rescue.
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It feels a little over the top to me. They’re driving through a remote mountain forest (why would a prison bus be driving through a remote mountain forest?), there are violent inmates whom she must round up, there’s dangerous wildlife (I can’t imagine any wildlife would come within 100m of a bus crash and a crowd of people), and also a blizzard to contend with. At the very least, I’d remove the wildlife element – animals generally hunker down in blizzards much like humans do. I kinda feel like female rookie officer is a little clich? too – why female? and why a rookie? It’s a tough situation for anyone so I don’t think you need to push the odds to the point of unbelievability.?I can’t believe she’d be the only officer there so why is she the protagonist? If all the others are injured in the crash then I struggle to see why violent inmates (who are not adverse to beating, raping, and killing) wouldn’t just finish her off and make a run for it.
The whole concept reminds me of Alien 3. This isn’t meant as a criticism haha.
I think there’s a story in here but it’s buried in impossible odds.
“When her prison transport crashes, a rookie officer must control the convicts while also battling a blizzard.”
Agree with midepedley85.? The setup leaves me a bit incredulous.
>>>? ?must use her training
Rather, she must use her experience, her wits.? The situation she’s? is in is? one for which there is no training manual.? ?Having personally facilitated in the transfer of a few thousands prisoners to inter-agency transports for their days in court at local and outside jurisdictions, I am? familiar with how it is done and the kind of personnel who are selected for the job.? A rookie officer would never get assigned to prisoner? transport — too risky.? It’s a job given to seasoned veterans. (And the ones I dealt with in the L.A.? County Sheriff transport system, were mean and muscular SOB’s.)
Also, when transferring? prisoners between jurisdictions (in state or out of state),? drivers stick to safe and well-traveled roads.? They would never use a road through a remote mountain forest, even as a shortcut.
I kind of agree that you are really throwing the kitchen sink and then some to the poor woman. However I like the concept even if it sound so over the top. It reminds me of the movie? The Grey.
As said by previous reviewers, you just need to justify at least two things.
Why is she on the transport of dangerous prisoners. Usually seasoned veterans, not rookies are assigned to such transport. Maybe due to a big storm developing, the prison must be evacuated. With the police and the National Guard busy evacuating the population, then everybody even rookie is drafted to help the prisons evacuation. Or you may omit the rookie aspect and focus on something else maybe ?her gender.
Why does she has survivalist skills that makes her invaluable to prisoners. If prisoners know that their survival depends on her, she will be followed and obey by at least a small groups of desperate prisoners. Otherwise she would have no chance. So maybe the action is taking place in Alaska and she is an Inuit who used to live near the artic circle. That explain her skills without needed the extra gear.
After her prison transport crashes in a remote part of Alaska, an Inuit prison officer must led a small group to their survival from a hungry pack of wolves, freezing temperatures and murderous inmate survivors.
Yes, under normal circumstances the procedure is to hanker down, but there may be exceptional circumstances.
prison may have been due to close down and evacuation was planned before. Maybe the storm has changed direction. ?Prison may have lost power making it unsafe. Or you may have had a contagious disease that requires evacuation and quarantine.
Strangely enough that over the top situation nearly happen to one my friend.
Years ago, the French scientific South Pole station had to be evacuated because it lost all power. All scientists had to temporarily move to a neighbouring station. One of my friends, who was doing his military service as scientist told me that they got lucky because a storm was developing at the time. If they had stayed and the storm had hit, they would not have survived. In the Foreign station they joined, one of the scientist was suspected to have measles (in France vaccination is mandatory, so that would have never happen there), so in order to avoid contagion, that sole scientist was confined to their quarter. It turns out that it was not measles.
>>>?beginning of a zombocalypse
Now the story? jumps the rails and become? something else in another genre.
What is the itch you’re trying to scratch with this story?? What is the theme you want to explore?? What’s? your story hook?
Less is more…
Pick one big problem for the rookie to overcome in her mission and describe only that in the logline. All the other problems are good and would likely work well in the script but the logline needs to describe only the major obstacle.