When their best friend suddenly dies, an aging couple must go on a road trip to scatter his ashes and rediscover happiness.
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When their best friend suddenly dies, an aging couple must go on a road trip to scatter his ashes and rediscover happiness.
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Agreed with the above comments.
Also I suggest re thinking the causal connection between the events and actions. Why MUST they go on a road trip? How does their friend’s death influence them in this way?
I believe there is room for subtle plots in film making, and this is a subtle plot or in Hollywood terms a low concept. However, it still needs to be built on solid logic, which steams from a cause and effect relationship between what happens to the characters and what they do.
Thank you both for your really good feedback. I will think it over more based on your suggestions.
I agree with Moses99 that the logline needs some more specificity. ?Like, their departed friend asked in his will that his ashes be scattered in some place meaningful to both the living characters and their dead friend.
?And what conflict arises as a result of their journey? ?What dramatic problem is created by their best friend’s last request that his (or her) ashes be scattered in a specific location?
I also agree that ?reference to “finding happiness” ought to be dropped from the logline for 2 reasons:
1] Loglines are about achieving an objective goal but “finding happiness” is the fulfillment of a subjective need. ?And in drama subjective needs ares usually (but not always) fulfilled as a byproduct of achieving the objective goal.
2[ But in this instance, I question the primary subjective need for the aged couple in the script proper. ? IMHO, it misses the mark. Their real subjective need is ?to work through the process of mourning. ?Not only for their friend, but for themselves, the lost relationship and their own inevitable and coming to terms with their own sooner-rather-than later deaths. That is a bona fide subjective need that arises from the death of a loved one. ?
Which leads me to ask: ??why would an audience want to go along on this journey? ?What’s in the road trip for them? ?IOW: to be crass and commercial: ?what’s the target audience? ?I think there is a market for movies about the issue of our own inevitable mortality. ?But I suggest they need to have something to say. ?What does this movie have to say about the fact that we are all eventually going to die?
fwiw
The goal is too vague. I think scattering his ashes works but where? What is so special about the place they are going to spread in and how far is it that it constitutes an entire movie worth of a journey. This is a very short logline so you have room to elaborate. I would also strongly advise you drop the “rediscover happiness) as it is too vague to mean anything (everyone wants happiness) and add an obstacle. What makes this journey a challenge for them? What force is trying to stop them from reaching their destination? Hope this helps, keep writing.