Revised: After a magical species abducts their parents, to transform them into their evil emperors, their twins must find and rescue them in time.
JessieSamurai
Revised: After a magical species abducts their parents, to transform them into their evil emperors, their twins must find and rescue them in time.
Share
I know it should have a single protagonist , not sure how to single out one of the siblings, though. Ideas are very welcome.
So,
When their unwary parents are abducted and made rulers of the Dark-Elves, a defiant teenager must navigate the surreal realm with his nerd twin, along with their pets and an android
I dropped the “assimilate” bit, since I (still) don’t get it
Also,
1. “along with their pets and an android” is a detail you don’t need in your logline (sounds fun to explore in your story though)
2. I’m not too keen on the “navigate” bit. It’s a vague action (you know, “an objective goal”…)
So… the parents are perfect and they’re the rulers — but they don’t have enough power, and they aren’t perfect enough to free themselves from ruling, to prevent being assimilated?
And by ruling the parents seem to be performing a valuable service for the elves, maintaining peace and harmony.? So why must their kids rescue them??
What is the dramatic problem in this scenario?
It seems like a dramatic problem will be created if the kids retrieve their parents because then the hard won peace and harmony will be lost without them.
This just doesn’t compute for me.? Of course, you can make up your own rules for how your imaginary world works, but the rules must be consistently applied; once you make them, you can’t break them. And I’m just not sure what the rules are.
I should probably rename the dark elves and make them a new, vaguely related, species. In the Star Trek universe, Borg assimilation takes a few minutes, I believe. The aspects I?m ?borrowing? from that, is that an individual is genetically mutated to become member of a different species. Some memories may be kept, but in a detached fashion. Loyalty is to the new species. For all intents and purposes the original person is dead. (In ST, it turned out to be reversible, here is probably won?t be, but I?m still early in the creation process)
In this story I?m giving the kids enough time to save them, before it?s too late. The parents being captured to become rulers instead of slaves or such, is making it more of an adventure/fairytale instead of too dark and allows for fun shenanigans in the rescue. Making the kids twins (thanks variable! ) opens up some great extra options.
As an evil species begins to mutate and brainwash their parents to rule their unified dark empire, a teenager and her twin must rescue them from a surreal fantasy realm.
Ok, this is bright pink blinking neon-sign highlighting who the bad guys are. A bit overboard?
Save 8 words with a small tweak…
After an evil specie abducts their parents, the twins must rescue them before they are mutated & brainwashed as their dark emperors
Q. why did i merge ?teenager and her twin? into ?the twins??
A. because it?s essentially the same, isn?t it?
Q. why I kept it seperate before in ?a defiant teenager with her nerd twin?
A. because they made an unusual team (the bold and the brain) which can be a hook in kid?s film
Two protagonists would work better in your film since young audience will get bored watching a single kid roaming alone in vast space…
That being said, one of them should be the main protagonist,
I used “a defiant teenager with her nerdy twin” before, to exploit events such as “when the nerd kid needs saving by his-2 minute elder-sister” (my elder sister saved my wimpy a** many times lol) and it could be a running joke “i am elder, listen to me dave!”
it’s just one lousy version. Use those twins that offer the most interesting plot.
good luck with your project!