When they accidentally unfreeze a war party, two cavemen brothers must go with them to the lair of a savage yeti tribe to rescue and awaken the only goddess who can end the ice age.
The_CNISamurai
When they accidentally unfreeze a war party, two cavemen brothers must go with them to the lair of a savage yeti tribe to rescue and awaken the only goddess who can end the ice age.
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There is a little too much going on here and from reading it seems a little confusing. What?s a war party? An army, a political group that supports war?
Were they already fighting this thing? Why must they go with them and how do you accidentally unfreeze someone or something during an ice age?
Having a quick stab myself: When the Godness of Ice is kidnaped on his watch, a reluctant warrior must lead what?s left of his people to save her before her power is used to create a new ice age.
It is still a bit messy, but I think it is an easier read. Gives a bit of motivation and arc for the character. Granted you could add who by so get antagonist in there, but up to you.
At the moment all these events seem unconnected to me. Hope that helps
Agreed with Knightrider, the story is confusing and the elements are strange.
Who is the main character? Is one of the bro’s more in the lead than the other? Does one of them have a more significant change throughout the story? It seems as though the dual protagonist angle is more of a complication than a necessity.
If the end goal is to awaken a goddess and save the world from an Ice age, wouldn’t the inciting incident be the beginning of the ice age so as to motivate them to take that action? Otherwise, it’s not clear how they could know that an ice age is coming.
I don’t have a feel for your characters from your logline as it is written,
Two cavemen brothers: This tells us nothing about their personalities… I would change it to just one person and give them some personality.
A war party: Again, I don’t have a feel for their personality, I would change it to a single warrior, or if you must have an entire war party, concentrate on a single warrior from the war party, preferably the leader.
Finally, it seems as though the war party are the ones with the goal and the lead characters are just tagging along. You need to change the logline so the lead characters must end the ice age. Make it personal to the lead characters. Why must the lead character succeed, what bad thing will happen if they do not end the ice age (What personally to the lead character will happen)
One more thing, I would change either the brothers or the war party to female characters (Specifically spelled out in the logline)
Otherwise, you will end up with an all-male cast and that can be boring (As can an all-female cast)
>>>When they accidentally unfreeze a war party, two cavemen brothers must go..
Why must they go?? What step in the cause-and-effect logic am I not seeing here?
>>>to rescue and awaken the only goddess
How can a goddess who needs to be rescued be potent enough to turn back the ice age?? If she can’t rescue herself, how can it be that she has the power to rescue everyone else?