Sign Up Sign Up

Captcha Click on image to update the captcha.

Have an account? Sign In Now

Sign In Sign In

Forgot Password?

If you'd like access, Sign Up Here

Forgot Password Forgot Password

Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.

Captcha Click on image to update the captcha.

Have an account? Sign In Now

Sorry, you do not have permission to ask a question, You must login to ask a question.

Forgot Password?

To see everything, Sign Up Here

Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.

Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.

Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.

Logline It! Logo Logline It! Logo
Sign InSign Up

Logline It!

Logline It! Navigation

  • Sign Up
  • Logline Generator
  • Learn our simple Logline Formula
  • Search Loglines
Search
Post Your Logline

Mobile menu

Close
Post Your Logline
  • Signup
  • Sign Up
  • Logline Generator
  • Learn our simple Logline Formula
  • Search Loglines
The_CNISamurai
Posted: July 23, 20182018-07-23T20:28:03+10:00 2018-07-23T20:28:03+10:00In: Comedy

When he?s enslaved by aliens, a New York mob boss must rally his fellow prisoners, take over the spaceship and teach his captors; even in space, the mob rules.

When he?s enslaved by aliens, a New York mob boss must rally his fellow prisoners, take over the spaceship and teach his captors; even in space, the mob rules.
  • 0
  • 5 5 Reviews
  • 742 Views
  • 0 Followers
  • 0
Share
  • Facebook

    Post a review
    Cancel reply

    You must login to add an answer.

    Forgot Password?

    To see everything, Sign Up Here

    5 Reviews

    • Voted
    • Oldest
    • Recent
    1. dpg Singularity
      2018-07-23T22:19:32+10:00Added an answer on July 23, 2018 at 10:19 pm

      Cut to the chase:? the mob boss’s objective goal is to escape back to earth.

      And why would an audience want to root for a violent mob boss?? Maybe his abduction is cosmic karma, payback, for all his crimes on earth.

      • 0
      • Reply
      • Share
        Share
        • Share on Facebook
        • Share on Twitter
        • Share on LinkedIn
        • Share on WhatsApp
    2. Mike Pedley Singularity
      2018-07-24T00:19:06+10:00Added an answer on July 24, 2018 at 12:19 am

      >>> break out and rescue his crew
      Were they abducted too? That’s not made clear in the logline so might be worth clarifying.

      >>>The mobsters are from 1930s Chicago
      So this film is set in the 1930s? I’d maybe include that too as that sets the scene. Without that the reader could assume it was a modern day gangster film which would feel very different to this. Tony Soprano isn’t a 1930s gangster…?

      Why have they abducted this guy? On a galactic black market (where gangsters are high value items) surely Al Capone would fetch a much higher price? Do the aliens imitate 1930s gangsters?

      I like the premise I just think certain elements need clearing up. I think the idea of a 1930s gangster movie in space could work well, particularly as a comedy – I’m seeing aliens with galactic Tommy guns. I kinda feel like the aliens have to admire Earth’s gangsters or something – there has to be a connection between them. I’m thinking of Galaxy Quest – the aliens believe that the TV show is real and that’s why they abduct the stars because they need the hero they believe Tim Allen (et al) is. In this I feel like it would work better if the reason why he’s abducted was clarified.

      As dpg said, the goal could be shortened to just getting back home to Earth – the rest would be implied if he was imprisoned on their ship.

      • 0
      • Reply
      • Share
        Share
        • Share on Facebook
        • Share on Twitter
        • Share on LinkedIn
        • Share on WhatsApp
    3. dpg Singularity
      2018-07-24T00:28:59+10:00Added an answer on July 24, 2018 at 12:28 am

      >>>It?s also a comedy because they are the stereotypical gangsters of that time. What would have worked for describing him?

      I suggest reclassifying it as a comedy because it more accurately conveys the sensibility.

      What kind of black market is he to be sold on?? A violent gangster is going to be temperamentally unfit to submit to servitude as a slave.? Of all the people that could be abducted, why would aliens abduct him?

      • 0
      • Reply
      • Share
        Share
        • Share on Facebook
        • Share on Twitter
        • Share on LinkedIn
        • Share on WhatsApp
    4. Richiev Singularity
      2018-07-24T07:46:42+10:00Added an answer on July 24, 2018 at 7:46 am

      “When he’s enslaved by aliens, a New York mob boss must rally his fellow prisoners, take over the spaceship and teach his captors; even in space, the mob rules.”

      • 0
      • Reply
      • Share
        Share
        • Share on Facebook
        • Share on Twitter
        • Share on LinkedIn
        • Share on WhatsApp
    5. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2018-07-25T17:06:06+10:00Added an answer on July 25, 2018 at 5:06 pm

      This reads well but needs a bit of polish.

      After he’s abducted by alien gangsters, a 1930’s liquor smuggler must rally all the other abductees to break out and get back to Earth.

      • 0
      • Reply
      • Share
        Share
        • Share on Facebook
        • Share on Twitter
        • Share on LinkedIn
        • Share on WhatsApp

    Sidebar

    Stats

    • Loglines 7,997
    • Reviews 32,189
    • Best Reviews 629
    • Users 3,710

    screenwriting courses

    Adv 120x600

    aalan

    Explore

    • Signup

    Footer

    © 2022 Karel Segers. All Rights Reserved
    With Love from Immersion Screenwriting.