The Dressmaker
jamesmichaelPenpusher
When Tilly comes home she not only heals her ailing mother, but with her sewing machine, and haute couture style, transforms the women of the town in such a way that she gets sweet revenge on those who did her wrong. She also falls unexpectedly in love, which leads to her greatest loss and her most destructive deed.
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This logline is interesting. It sounds like there could be a compelling story but these two sentences are really poorly constructed. To me it seems either it might have been written by an intern in the production office (who could learn a thing or two from The Story Department interns) or else the style bodes very badly for the ensuing screenplay.
I like the premise of the haute couture in a small town – something to work with there, but the rest is too wordy and vague. Who does she fall in love with? Destructive deed? You don’t need to explain all that in here, but give us an idea of what the main action in and what kind of obstacles she’s up against.