Samurai
Posted: 2019-04-28T16:52:18+10:00 In:

When two donors to a rising fascist leader commit suicide, a conspiracy theorist FBI agent must investigate if there is a connection; but when he discovers an elaborate CIA plot to stop the fascist, he must put his country before the law, and protect future targets by killing their leader.

It’s 50 words, which proves to me that it’s hard to put a complex plot in a shorter logline. This is obviously not high concept, but I thought it could be suspenseful and morally interesting.

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    4 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      Is this in the US so FBI jurisdiction? Or foreign soil so CIA territory? I know sometimes FBI agents are sent abroad to investigate missing person cases (when a country requests help), complex bank fraud (like in Switzerland, Panama), but why here? That?s my first question.

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    2. Samurai

      You wrote ‘two donors’, I don’t know what donor means in this case. Perhaps you could elaborate on this. I would delete the ‘must investigate if there is a connection’, due to the reader already knowing that is what the FBI does. ‘Stop the fascist’, stop him from what? ‘Future targets by killing their leader’, leader of what, and who are these targets?

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    3. Logliner

      This seems to have too much information in it. It seems like you are also missing key components that would help you simplify AND have a stronger emotional connection.
      I think you can get rid of the first part entirely.

       

      Next you’ve got some confusion about who the villain/antagonist is. Is it the fascist leader? The CIA plotters?

       

      Finally, where is the hook that will make this totally unique–something we’ve not seen before?

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    4. Singularity

      “…must investigate if there is a connection…” connection to what? Do you mean investigate if there’s a link between the suicides? Wouldn’t the discovery of the CIA plot be the inciting event? Kind of feels like the story starts there.

      What does “…put his country before the law…” mean? What does this mean in practical terms? Does he set out to kill the leader of the fascists? This could also be interpreted as the leader of the country or the CIA…

      Also, not sure that a plot to stop a fascist group would necessarily grab an audience’s attention, especially considering the current political situation – it’s not particularly novel…

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