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auntmaryLogliner
Posted: April 24, 20172017-04-24T19:53:19+10:00 2017-04-24T19:53:19+10:00In: Drama

When unknowingly a lottery salesman sells a winning ticket, he continues his eternal battle to survive, living in his beach cavern, and crosses the path of an interesting fauna of people ? amongst whom the winner.

When unknowingly a lottery salesman sells a winning ticket, he continues his eternal battle to survive, living in his beach cavern, and crosses the path of an interesting fauna of people ? amongst whom the winner.
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    5 Reviews

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    1. Foxtrot25 Uberwriter
      2017-04-24T21:57:00+10:00Added an answer on April 24, 2017 at 9:57 pm

      Just because you didn’t actually win the lottery, doesn’t mean you must survive from the incident. Winning is not a threat to overcome, it is simply the reward. He is a salesman, so why is he deprived of winning if the ticket crossed his hands?

      You are failing to hook the audience with something for the protagonist to root for. This story appears to need a romantic element as the real quest for the protagonist.

      As this is, I would think you have enough of a story to work with with for a feature.

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    2. Foxtrot25 Uberwriter
      2017-04-24T21:58:36+10:00Added an answer on April 24, 2017 at 9:58 pm

      * don’t have enough to work with. Sorry.

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    3. Richiev Singularity
      2017-04-25T00:27:21+10:00Added an answer on April 25, 2017 at 12:27 am

      An inciting incident sets the course of action for the lead character.

      Your inciting incident “When unknowingly a lottery salesman sells a winning ticket” is problematic because the lead character doesn’t even know it happened, They did it unknowingly. Therefore the inciting incident has no relationship to the rest of characters actions.

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    4. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2017-04-25T16:43:47+10:00Added an answer on April 25, 2017 at 4:43 pm

      What is it the salesman wants? What must he get or else?

      A piece of writing that illustrates the irony of a situation in which a poor man makes other people rich on a regular basis, can work as a short story, novella or even a novel but not as a film. You would need a plot to substantiate a story for a film, in other words, give the salesman a goal and obstacle to create drama and form a plot.

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    5. Tim Aucoin Logliner
      2017-04-25T17:18:09+10:00Added an answer on April 25, 2017 at 5:18 pm

      This is very confusing to read.

      Lottery salesmen probably sell lots of winning tickets without knowing, it’s part of their job. If he/she already had a winning ticket, but sold it due to being broke or desperate, it ups the stakes and makes the story more interesting.

      The word “fauna” is misused, here it just comes off as trying to too hard. Also, what is a beach cavern? Makes it sound like he lives in a cave.

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