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thedarkhorseSamurai
When wanted bank robbers and their hostages, are taken captive and chained together in a lonely cop’s basement, they learn he’s secretly a serial killer, and must work together to escape before becoming his next victim.
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Sorry, but I have to agree with dpg on this one. I think there’s something interesting in the “cop who’s a serial killer” idea but this story is in desperate need of a single protagonist. You mention something character driven but you have the group working collectively as the hero – considering this group contains criminals and their hostages I’d imagine some conflict here that would require one person to unite them – I want to know what his/her story is.
Ultimately though, you need to figure out how to make it believable first. It could be that it totally works but it’s just not coming through in the logline. I’m not sure if it’s the story that is unbelievable or simply the logline doesn’t quite have the details needed.
How does this cop get all these people in the basement?
Maybe explore the “cop who’s a serial killer” idea in a different way?
A single cop is able to capture,? control and corral several robbers and their hostages into his basement???
I, for one, am unable to suspend disbelief.
As a separate note:
The logline above is more for writing a first draft as opposed to a marketing one, but yeah – it would be good to get it as lean as possible.
I wasn’t sure whether to chop off “chained together”.
Also – I’m thinking of adding another twist in the tale, regarding how they come across a gun with one bullet. (I know – it’s all very play-like, but I’m hoping to do something very character-driven.)
The bank robbers are the main characters/anti-heroes of the piece (despite getting killed off later on – it’s a horror film, what do you expect?) and that’s why they lead the logline.
I’m currently working on a short outline for this as well.
Tell me what you think?