Honeymooners in the mountains, a man and woman, witness a poaching. The poacher now wants them dead, As they fight for their lives, they learn that time is not what it seems.
EpersPenpusher
Honeymooners in the mountains, a man and woman, witness a poaching. The poacher now wants them dead, As they fight for their lives, they learn that time is not what it seems.
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At 54 words, the logline is too long and complicated to properly evaluate. ? And it mentions the characters by name which violates standard practice.
In 25 words or less (even if it seems unpolished and inadequate), try to answer the 4 basic questions ?every logline should answer:
Who is the protagonist of this story (and just the protagonist)?
What is the inciting incident?
As a result of the inciting incident, what becomes the protagonist’s objective goal? ?What must he do?
Who opposes or threatens the protagonist?
Time isn’t is what is too ambiguous. I read it and can’t answer the most simple question “what is the story about?”
Camping Honeymooners pursued by a poacher must …. While stuck in a time loop.
Six words can set up the film, leave eleven for or so for detail of what happens.
As CraigDGriffiths said. ?If the “sizzle” of the steak –what makes the story unique and irresistible — has something do with time, then don’t hide or obscure it. Say it loud, say it clear.
Agreed with the above.
In addition, the logline mentions a man and woman these descriptions are too vague to work well in a logline. Which of them is the main character? What is his or her flaw?
Men and women can be found anywhere, so describe what it is about these particular ones that makes them interesting characters in this story.