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bivricLogliner
Posted: October 25, 20172017-10-25T03:42:30+10:00 2017-10-25T03:42:30+10:00In: Horror

While restoring an abandoned ski-lodge, a group of adrenaline-junkie ex-soldiers take sides in a secret war between a legendary creature and mysterious trappers determined to hunt it into extinction. Action/Horror

While restoring an abandoned ski-lodge, a group of adrenaline-junkie ex-soldiers take sides in a secret war between a legendary creature and mysterious trappers determined to hunt it into extinction. Action/Horror
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    7 Reviews

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    1. ryanrevland Logliner
      2017-10-26T17:52:06+10:00Added an answer on October 26, 2017 at 5:52 pm

      Very nice!? I’d watch that movie.

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    2. Foxtrot25 Uberwriter
      2017-10-26T01:16:38+10:00Added an answer on October 26, 2017 at 1:16 am

      After investing in an OLD ski-lodge, a group of friends are forced to take sides in a war between the locals and a?LEGENDARY creature before it?s hunted into extinction.

      Add these 2 changes and it goes a long way t what your trying to emphasize.

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    3. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2017-10-25T22:43:11+10:00Added an answer on October 25, 2017 at 10:43 pm

      Agreed with Foxtrot25.

      The description of them being soldiers adds to the concept as it gives them a set of skills that would believably work to their advantage.

      I’ll add that the logline would benefit from describing a single main character. Who of the group takes center stage? Who has the most active role? And who of them changes the most over the course of the story?

      I’d also change the inciting incident description to ‘When caught in the crossfire between a legendary creature and a group of mysterious trackers…’

      The back story is irrelevant in the logline.

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    4. moviefreak81 Samurai
      2017-10-25T21:30:53+10:00Added an answer on October 25, 2017 at 9:30 pm

      Good stuff.. I think Foxtrot25 nailed it.

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    5. Foxtrot25 Uberwriter
      2017-10-25T16:32:12+10:00Added an answer on October 25, 2017 at 4:32 pm

      I like the premise and also the progress your making with the logline. Don’t mention that they are soldiers. Close friends works. Retired friends works.

      Why take sides? Discover it or are forced to take sides. They have more investment if you say they own the ski lodge.

      After investing in a ski-lodge, a group of friends are forced to take sides in a war between the locals and a mysterious creature before it’s hunted into extinction.

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    6. Dkpough1 Uberwriter
      2017-10-25T08:11:28+10:00Added an answer on October 25, 2017 at 8:11 am

      “While restoring an abandoned ski-lodge, a group of adrenaline-junkie ex-soldiers take sides in a secret war between a legendary creature and mysterious trappers determined to hunt it into extinction. ”

      The premise sounds like it has an interesting element, in other words, it has a hook. But the logline needs some work.
      For example, how do the protagonists end up in this war? In other words, what is the inciting incident? Are they attacked? What happens that makes them have to take sides?
      Quite frankly, the protagonists are the least interesting part of this concept. While that isn’t necessarily a huge problem, the logline should present the main character as someone who the audience can invest in, can care about.
      What are the stakes? While it would certainly not be a good thing if a species went extinct, why does this creature warrant such determination to be hunted? What happens if it goes extinct, and what happens if it stays alive? Does this creature hunt humans? Why does the creature matter?

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    7. moviefreak81 Samurai
      2017-10-25T08:05:29+10:00Added an answer on October 25, 2017 at 8:05 am

      It sounds funny when swap legendary and mysterious

      “…ex-soldiers take sides in a secret war between a mysterious creature and legendary trappers determined to hunt it into extinction”

      😀

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