Titanic: D. S. V.
Presario2200Logliner
While the Department of Defense is evaluating the personnel of a new US Navy nuclear sub, a DoD Department director discovers her ex-husband is out for revenge…against her.
Share
Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
The first half of the logline seems unrelated to the second half. How does the Department of Defense evaluation affect the MC’s discovery?
Also better to specify the danger the antagonist is presenting because “…out for revenge…” is a vague description of what he will do. This makes the MC action vague as well and her goal is not entirely clear as a result.
I’m not sure how things are done in the US navy but I can confirm from first hand experience that navy personnel choices are normally an internal process not a government department one.
Would it perhaps be better to contextualize the story in the navy alone?
Hope this helps.
The first half of the logline seems unrelated to the second half. How does the Department of Defense evaluation affect the MC’s discovery?
Also better to specify the danger the antagonist is presenting because “…out for revenge…” is a vague description of what he will do. This makes the MC action vague as well and her goal is not entirely clear as a result.
I’m not sure how things are done in the US navy but I can confirm from first hand experience that navy personnel choices are normally an internal process not a government department one.
Would it perhaps be better to contextualize the story in the navy alone?
Hope this helps.