Penpusher
Posted: 2021-08-27T22:09:29+10:00 In:

With no justice for the recent death of a gay dancer, a frustrated editor feels compelled to give his death meaning, while searching for his own.

The script is based on the question: “If dying was the price to pay for doing what is right, would it still be worth it?”

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    5 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      “a frustrated editor” = protagonist
      “compelled to give his death meaning, while searching for his own.” = main character goal
      “recent death of a gay dancer” = inciting incident

      Many of the key ingredients for a logline are present, except for the most important -> Cause & Effect.

      If this were my logline, I’d consider expanding upon our frustrated editor. What is likable about a mildly angry character – why might an audience sympathize?

      I’d also consider what archetypical link might exist between gay dancer | frustrated editor? Implication is lovers (assumption is editor is male), … “his death, … searching for his own [death?] …” all sounds a bit muddily …

      Am reading the final state as the Theme/Story premise: “If dying was the price to pay for doing what is right, would it still be worth it?”

      Nice theme, but how well is the premise proven within the story? Justice leads to Death can make a very powerful story – I’m thinking of BraveHeart (1995). While here our noble protagonist gets his head chopped off, there is still a feeling by story end, that is death was worth the “FREEEEDOM!”

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    2. Best Answer
      Logliner

      I agree w Philippe. Also, why is it important to the editor? Frustration? You need something stronger.
      What if they were secretly engaged. Editor gay but hiding because he is ashamed of people’s judgments. Dancer is the opposite. But when he dies the editor realizes he can no longer hide. He must fight the injustice and revenge the death of
      The dancer.
      There must be something in their relationship so strong it’s worth dying for.
      I think the stronger the relationship is, the more exciting the story will be. He fights the injustice – and finds himself in the journey.
      And, who is the opponents? The closer the better. Maybe it is his own family?

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