Penpusher
Posted: 2015-01-13T04:59:20+10:00 In:

Without knowing it, two military college cadets stumble upon a plot by deranged Cuban Americans to assassinate the President in retaliation for his normalizing relations with Cuba. It isn?t until minutes before the plan is about to be put into action that the cadets discover what?s happening and race to stop the assassins? plan from succeeding.

Plebe Year

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    6 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      I’d start with the ticking clock to give the logline urgency. Don’t need to say “without knowing”, stumbling upon indicates this. Good concept, just needs tweaking.

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    2. Uberwriter

      I’d start with the ticking clock to give the logline urgency. Don’t need to say “without knowing”, stumbling upon indicates this. Good concept, just needs tweaking.

      • 0

    3. Thanks for the input, Craig. It was helpful.

      • 0

    4. Thanks for the input, Craig. It was helpful.

      • 0
    5. Singularity

      Many redundant words in this logline better to reduce the number of adjectives and describe the actions specific to the motivations and obstacles of the MC. Also better to reduce it to one main character than a duo for simplicity sake this will also make it harder for him to succeed on his own. The cadet buddy can be introduced as an ally during act 2.

      My try:
      After a military cadet discovers a plot to assassinate the president he must race to stop a deranged Cuban assassin from carrying out his plan against orders from his commanding officer.

      I added in the commanding officer as an obstacle to make it even harder for them to run after the assassin.

      Hope this helps.

      • 0
    6. Singularity

      Many redundant words in this logline better to reduce the number of adjectives and describe the actions specific to the motivations and obstacles of the MC. Also better to reduce it to one main character than a duo for simplicity sake this will also make it harder for him to succeed on his own. The cadet buddy can be introduced as an ally during act 2.

      My try:
      After a military cadet discovers a plot to assassinate the president he must race to stop a deranged Cuban assassin from carrying out his plan against orders from his commanding officer.

      I added in the commanding officer as an obstacle to make it even harder for them to run after the assassin.

      Hope this helps.

      • 0